A Life Left Behind
by brttmclv
Summary: Jack wasn't the same after the shooting and when an old freinds comes back with baggage of her own, dark secrets from the past and present come out. Will someone save them before it's too late? Jack/OC
1. The Man In The Mirror

I looked at the man staring at me in the mirror. It was 2am and he was in the bathroom, again. Hands on each side of the sink. Dark circles under his eyes. Nearly skin and bones. Not to mention the incriminating white power on the edge of his nose. He wiped it off. This wasn't him. I didn't know this man. Hell, he didn't know himself. He as alone in a room of 100. Secluded in a world of a billion. Left to die in the middle of a street. I remember the pain coursing through my body as I screamed to my brother. My oldest brother. The same brother that vowed to protect me when I first came to Evelyn. What a great job, huh? Protecting me got me get shot four times. Protecting me left me in the hospital for three months, in a coma for two and in therapy for six after that. Him protecting me nearly killed me. He was always the fuck up. He never cared. I should have known he wouldn't try. I should have known.

"Jack! It's 2am. You've been in there for 20 minutes. I gotta pee." Angel yelled through the door. He's another one. Too busy caught up in side of Sofi to see what's going on right in front of his eyes. They're all bastards. All useless. I opened the door and walked right passed him into my room. I sat down on the bed. I couldn't sleep my head was racing and it was kicking in. I put a shirt on and walked outside. It was cold but I couldn't feel it. I walked down to the old playground and walked around. I saw something on the swings. I tried to focus and it looked like a person.

"Hey! What are you doing? It's 2am!" I yelled walking closer to the swings. It was dark so I couldn't see what they looked like.

"I could ask you the same thing." a girl spat at me.

"Why?" I asked. Yes, it was dumb but I couldn't barely see straight let alone talk.

"Because unless I'm delusional, I'm not the only one sitting here at 2am. Newsflash: you're here too." I was kinda shocked. She was bitch.

"You're a bitch!" I told her. She stood up from the swing.

"And you're a junkie. Wipe your nose, sweetheart. It's bleeding a little." I wiped at my nose and felt the warm blood on my fingers.

"You can't judge me!" I yelled at her.

"No. But you make people judge you. Look at you! You're filthy. You've got blood and coke running outta your nose. You look like death in a human form. You want people to see what you are. A lowlife junkie with no where to go." she yelled back. I pushed her and yelled in her face.

"You listen to me! You don't know shit about me. You have no right to judge me. No one has hat right! I didn't choose this." She pushed me back and started to walk off.

"You're an ass!"

"Then why are you talking to me?" I yelled.

"Because you started it. Usually when someone says something to you, you respond and poof a conversation is born. You said hello, I responded and ergo our little yelling match."

"You never answered me!" she stopped and turned around.

"I needed some fresh air."

"You live around here?" I asked slowly walking to her. I was almost afraid she would hit me.

"No. Well, I used to a long, long time ago. I just got back and the hotel messed up my reservations. So I came down here to walk around." she said calmly. "Listen, I'm sorry for judging you. I know how it feels. I just...I've had a really bad day and you're the first person to talk to me since the hotel so I took it out on you. I was wrong and I apologize." She said quickly.

"Thanks. Sorry, for pushing you and calling you a bitch."

"Don't. I'm okay with being called a bitch. I know I am. Now call me a whore. Then, I'll kick your ass." We laughed lightly. My high was starting to go away but I wasn't getting agitated like I normally would. "So you live around here?" she asked as we were walking slowly.

"Yes. With my three brothers a few blocks down." She stopped suddenly. "What?" I heard her mumble as she drug me under the street light. When I saw her face I about jumped out of my skin. We yelled at the same time.

"Jack Mercer!"

"Carli James!"

Smiles spread across our faces ad we hugged. I picked up and swung her around.

"Carli, you're back. Wait, for good?" I asked putting her down

"Yes. How have you been?" she asked. I looked at her sadly.

"You already seem to know. Why ask?"

"Jack, what happened?" Carli asked softly.

"I changed. Grew up."

"And into drugs?" she asked coldly.

"Oh Carli, you're no saint!" I spat.

"You're right I'm not. But what happened? You didn't just wake up one day and said 'Hey! I'm gonna be a druggie!' That's not how it works. And I know you."

"No you don't. You left when we were 16, Carli. We're 23 now!" I yelled at her.

"Still! You don't just become a junkie over night, Jack. We used to be so close. No secrets, no lies. Yes, I left but I ha no choice. Don't punish me for that."

"Ma's dead." I looked at her to see tears falling on her shocked face. "She was killed a year ago. Of course, we being th Mercer's, we went after who did it. I got shot four times. Spent two months in a coma. Another month in the hospital and six months of therapy. I had two to the chest. One to my thigh and one in the leg. It shattered my bone. I got used to the pills and when they took me off I needed something else. I'm not addicted, Car. I do it every once in while." I told her lying my ass off. Every once in a while was at least six lines a day. And I still got the pills. But I couldn't muster up the nerve to tell her that right now.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I didn't even know. If I had you know I would have come no matter what." she told me crying. I pulled her close and hugged her. I missed this. Her in my arms. Her holding me. She was always too good for me. Everyone told me that. Then she left and I believed them.

"I know. It's ok now. We're fine." I lied again. "Listen you should stay at the house. It's just Bobby and Angel, beside me. They won't mind. Bobby will like having another girl around besides Sofi."

"You sure?"

"Yes. It's late and I'm not leaving you alone at this time of night. Come on." She agreed and we walked silently to my house. We quietly walked up to my room like we'd done thousand's of time before when we were younger. I gave her a shirt and pair of old boxers and turned so she could change. A moment later she was on my bed against the wall where she always slept. I smiled and took my shirt off and crawled up next to her. Her back was to me so I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. I knew she was smiling. The shirt was slipping off her shoulder and instinctively I kissed it. I felt her shiver and held her tighter. Sleep found both of us relatively fast.

_I sat on the edge of the hospital bed. I was going home today. But I wasn't happy. I was angry. Bobby was pissing me off. Angel was with Sofi and well, Jerry had another family. So that left Bobby to help me._

"_Jack, move your ass." he whined._

"_Shut the fuck up, Bobby." I said coldly. I thought I could see hurt in his eyes. But this was Bobby Mercer. He had no feelings to be hurt. He helped me off the bed and slid me into the wheelchair. I was still shaky on my legs but my other wounds had healed. I was on crutched but Bobby left them in the car._

"_Just come on. Let's get you home and out of this hell hole." he said. Home. Yeah, whatever. It's no more of a home than this fucking hospital. Bobby pushed me down the hallway. We waved at the nurses as we left. After all they had put up with my shit for three months now. We drove silent on the way home, well silent._

"_So you gonna be in a better mood now that you're out?" Bobby asked. I shrugged. "I'll take that as a no."_

"_Good." I said. He looked over at me and I thought I saw that hurt again._

"_What is with you?" He asked. I shrugged again and opened my door when we got to the house. He grabbed my crutches and handed them to me. I walked straight to the door and walked in. Angel, Sofi, Jerry and Camille were there. _

"_Surprise!" They all yelled and smiled. I looked at them then turned away and carefully walked upstairs to my room. And that's where I stayed unless I went with Patrick or to therapy._

I sat up quickly. Luckily, Carli was a hard sleeper. I looked at her and smiled. She was so beautiful. More so than I remember but then again that was nearly seven years ago. My thoughts were ripped by the feeling of blood coming down my nose. I put my hand under my mouth and went to the bathroom. I wiped my face and put my hands on each side of the sink. I tilted my head up and looked at my reflection. I'm not the same. I'm not the Jack she left behind. It won't be too much longer and she'll realize that. Then she will realize they were right. She was too good for me. I bent down and opened the cabinet under the sink. I reached up to the top and pulled out my bag and blade. I took Sofi's mirror from the wall and did my business. I held my nose for a moment, then let it go. That was number 8 today. If Ma were here she'd kill me. That's if I didn't beat her to it. I put my stuff back and walked downstairs. Bobby was up.

"What are you doing up at 4am?" I asked. He looked up and shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same. I went for a walk around two and guess who I bumped into?" I asked him. He looked at me and shrugged again. "Well, first let me tell you what happened." He nodded. "I went to the old park. Saw someone on a swing. Yelled out to them and asked them what they were doing. We got into a fight. I called her a bitch, she called me a junkie. We calmed down after a few minutes. I didn't see her face until we got to the street light and low and behold I'd been yelling at...you ready for this one?" He nodded with a little smile. "Carli James!" I laughed as Bobby dropped his cup and looked at me surprised.

"You're kidding me!" I shook my head.

"She's up in my room. Her hotel screwed her over and I told her she could stay here."

"No way. Can I go see her? I won't wake he up." I nodded and we walked up stairs. This was the longest I had talked to Bobby in a year. I opened the door and turned on lamp as he walked over to look at her.

"Well, I'll be damned. Carli James is back in Detroit. She's grown up." He said. "Well, I'm going to go back to sleep. I'll see you two in the morning. No pulling an Angel and Sofi, alright?" He smirked. I smiled back.

"Yes, father." He smiled but stared at me for a second. "Night, Bobby." He left and I crawled back beside Carli. I pulled her close again and kissed the back of her neck.

"Stop it. That tickles, Jack." she said softly. I kissed her neck again. She shifted and swatted at me. I took her hand and held it. I waited a minute and kissed her again, lightly running my tongue across her skin. She tasted so sweet. She turned over to face me. Her face was a light pink. She took her finger and traced my lips, all the while biting her. I grabbed her finger and kissed it. She smiled. I pulled her close and laid my head on hers. Sleep caught us once again.

_I heard someone climb through my window. I looked up to see Carli's face. Only it wasn't like any other face I've seen on her. She had tears streaming down her soft pink cheeks. Her eyes were blood red and puffy. _

"_What's wrong, Car?" I asked as she climbed in bed with me snuggling into my side._

"_I'm leaving, Jack." she whispered._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_My mom's taking me to Florida. Tomorrow." she choked on a sob._

"_What? Why? No, you can't." I asked sitting up. I couldn't loose her. She was...everything._

"_I don't have a choice. She's made up her mind. She's packing as we speak. My room and hers." she said still laying down. I laid back down and wiped away the tears. It didn't help. The more I wiped, the faster new ones fell. She looked up in my eyes. I leaned over and kissed her. I could taste her sweetness and the salty tears. I ran my tongue over her lips and she opened them for me. I slipped my tongue inside and she was even sweeter. I rolled over on top of her and ran my hands along her sides. She shivered and ran her fingers through my hair. If this was out last night together, it was going to be one to remember. I slipped my hand up her shirt and caressed her belly and let out a soft sigh. I slipped it higher until I came to her beast. I looked up at her and silently asked for permission to take it off, she nodded. I slipped her night shirt over her head and kissed her neck. I made my way down kissing all the way. Her neck, her collarbone, she soft skin of her chest. She moaned louder when my lips captured her nipple. As if I wasn't turned on enough. I knew she was a virgin. And the fact that I was the first to touch her, to see her like this, it excited me more. I released her nipple ad made my down. Kissing her soft stomach and nipping at her belly ring. Rolling my tongue around her naval. I reached her bottoms and looked at her again. She bit her lip but nodded. I gently slid her shorts off. I kissed my way up her leg. Running my tongue across her thigh as I made my way back up. I hovered over again and captured her in along deep kiss. I felt her hands go to my night pants. I helped her pull them down and I positioned my body between her legs. I felt her gasp as I rubbed myself against her by accident. I leaned up to her ear._

"_You sure? We don't.." she cut me off with a hot kiss. I smiled against her lips and reached down to remove her panties. I swear I could feel her heartbeat out of her chest. I kissed her neck as I slipped my fingers between her legs. When my fingers touched her she let out a gasp. I slipped one finger into her as another softly rubbed her. She moaned as my finger moved in and out. I added another and she arched a little. I bit on her neck but quickly stopped. I had to remember she wasn't like the other girls. I removed my fingers and slipped out of my boxers. I pulled out a condom and rolled it on. I smiled when I saw her look at me and then look away blushing. I positioned myself at her entry but before entering I held her face with my hands._

"_Tell me to stop anytime. It's gonna hurt, I'm not going to lie. But it'll get better. But just say no, ok?" she nodded and I leaned down to kiss her. I slowly entered her. Her eyes squeezed shut and her grip on my arms tightened. I leaned down to kiss her neck. I moved slowly and as gently as I could until I felt her grip loosed. I looked back at her and her eyes were still closer but they were soft. She opened them and looked at me. I smiled and kissed her. She returned ad I wrapped my arms around her. My pace picked up and we made love for the first time and probably the last. All night we made slow languid movements until we reached our peaks._

I gently awoke at the end of the dream. I looked over at her.

"I'm afraid I'll never be that Jack again." I whispered into her neck.


	2. Bathwater

_FYI: This is in Carli's POV. Last chapter was of course Jack's. Hope you like it. Please review whether you like it or not. It won't hurt my feelings. I can't please everyone and I accept that...lol. Thanks for reading!_

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I couldn't believe it was Jack. He looked so sick. Deathly almost. I knew he wasn't the same. But neither was I. I yelled at him for being a junkie and druggie. I'm just a big fat hypocrite. Making myself out to be the better person when I'm probably worse. My pills and my scars. He'd never look at me the same if he knew. I bet he'd never look at me again. But right now I was focused on him. Laying next to me. Like old times. It was never anything sexual, well except my last night there. That was the best night of my life. I'll never forget it. None of it. The way he touched me, the way he kissed me and soothed me when I wanted to scream in pain. He was so gentle. So careful. It killed me that I wasn't that girl anymore. The innocent girl he'd grown to know and love. I'd been corrupted since then. Drugs, alcohol, sex, and tons of abuse. Physical, mental...sexual.

"Quit thinking so hard." Jack mumbled into his pillow. I hadn't realized that I had tensed and was furrowing my brow. He knew what that meant.

"Sorry." I said softly. He picked his head up just enough to see me and give me that smile. The whole world could be falling apart around me, which it had a habit of doing, and that smile could make it disappear.

"I woke up again last night. Bobby was up and I told him you were up here. He didn't believe me until he came to see you. He dropped his coffee cup. It was funny." he laughed. He turned over on his back and leaned against the head board. He looked down and me and raised his arm. I smiled and slid up next to him. "Remember last time we were in this bed?" he asked.

"Yeah. How could I forget? What a going away present, huh?" I joked. He stayed serious.

"Why did you leave?" he asked. I shook my head and got up. He grabbed my arm and asked again. "Car, tell me. You come crawling through my window one night crying, you tell me your leaving the next day, we fuck and you actually leave." He said.

"Fuck?! Was that all it was?" I asked hurt. He stood up and walked over to me and held my arms.

"No. I didn't mean it like that. But you...left. Why?"

"I'm not ready to talk about that right now, okay?" He paused but nodded when he was the tears in my eyes. He pulled me to him and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my palms on his back.

"Come on. Bobby's gonna have a cow if he doesn't see you soon." We laughed and opened his door. It was like Bobby had a radar to tell him when we opened the door because right as it opened, he came bounding up the steps and picked me up into a huge hug.

"Can't breath, Bobby!" I rasped out. He laughed and set me down. He looked at me and smiled.

"Sorry, it's just been way too long. You're so grown up now. Well, you don't look grown but you're older." He laughed. It was a well known fact that I wasn't the tallest person there was. I was short and petite. I hated it. Jack always used me as and armrest. Him, Bobby and Angel would take turns throwing me to one another like a sack of potatoes. Oh it was horrendous.

"Yeah, I know I'm short. But it has been way too long." I smiled and we walked downstairs. "Jack make me breakfast." Jack smiled and Bobby looked shocked as Jack nodded and walked into the kitchen. I looked at him confused.

"We need to talk later." He said seriously. It was so serious, it was almost scary. He just stared at Jack. I looked over and fully noticed how he look. He was much too skinny and looked rough. I had a feeling the talk with Bobby wasn't something I wanted to hear. We had a nice breakfast. I kept looking at Bobby who was staring at Jack. After we ate I decided it was time to talk to Bobby while Jack was in the shower.

"Alright, spill. I see the way you're looking at Jack. You're surprised every time he says something. Why?" I asked sitting next to Bobby on the roof. He looked at his hands.

"Because he's talking. He's eating. He's outta his room. He's not snapping at me when I look at him or speak to him."

"What's been going on Bobby?" I asked. I sw nothing but pain in his eyes as he spoke of the past year.

"He almost didn't make it. I know he blames me. I blame me. I should have never brought him into that situation. Not Jackie. He didn't need it. But I did. I let my selfishness get in front of protecting my family. He was so hateful when he woke up. He snapped at everything I said. I brushed it off thinking it was the hospital. Then he got home. We had a surprise party for him and he looked at us like we were strangers and walked away. He's not Jack. Not anymore. He's mean, hateful, and spiteful. He only comes out to eat and walk out the door. He leaves often but doesn't eat much. He goes away for days at a time. Comes back high out of his mind. He's abusing, ya know? Anything he can get, he takes. There coke all over this house. He thinks I'm stupid but im not gonna touch it. I'm actually afraid of what he'd do. He's so angry, Carli. I...I feel like I've lost my best friend. My baby brother." he said quietly. I reached over and ribbed his back.

"It'll be ok. It's Jack. He'll get better." I said trying to cheer him up.

"He hasn't touched his guitar in over a year, Carli. This is deep." he said. I was shocked to say the least. Jack loved his guitar. Jack loved music. He lived and breathed it. I nodded and looked down.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I can see the old Jack when you're around. Today he has been doing everything he hasn't done in a year. And it's because you're here. Help him see he's killing himself."

"Bobby, I can't."

"Yes, you can." he insisted.

"No. I'd be a fucking hypocrite. I have my own problems, Bobby." I snapped. I rubbed my face and looked down again. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. It's not your problem. You just got back and it's not fair of me to try and drop all this on you." We heard Jack walk into the room and turned around. He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Talking about me?" he joked. If he only knew. Bobby said his goodbyes and left us.

"Come on, Jackie. You're not that important." I teased back. He smiled and pulled out a different shirt to put on. God, he looked good.

"Aww now don't be mean." he told me.

"Jack, can we talk? Like about something serious?" I asked as I sat down on the bed. He looked down and sighed. When he looked back up I saw something in his eyes that I've never seen in them before. Rage.

"No. I know what you wanna talk about. And no. It's nothing. Bobby worried? He tell you to talk to me? Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he tracked you down to come here. I don't have a problem. I don't need help. Not from Bobby and not from professionals. And especially not from you." he yelled at me. He was furious. In a split second he changed. He scared me. This was not that Jack I knew. I didn't know who this was. It was then that I noticed the tiny spot of white powder on the inside of his nose. I shook my head trying not to cry.

"Whatever, Jack." I stood up. "I'm sorry I imposed so much. Hell, im sorry for caring. I'll leave you now." I turned to walk away when Jack grabbed my arm and threw me against the door.

"If you cared, you never would have left." he got in my face and yelled

"I had to!" I screamed back.

"Then give me a damn good reason why. Now!" He yelled in my face. I was so scared and he was squeezing my arms so hard I knew they were already bruising.

"You're hurting me, Jack." I said softly. His face softened and a look of horror crossed his face. He let me go and stepped back. I reached out for him and he moved away.

"Just go. Please, Carli, go before I do something I'll regret." he said softly. I nodded and left. I walked out the house and down the street. I walked past my house and found myself remembering the day before we moved. The day I swore Jack would never find out about.

_I sat on my bed shaking. I was there alone wiht my step-dad, my mom was at work. I froze as I heard footsteps in the hall. I saw my door handle turn and Frank stepped through the door. _

"_Hey, baby." he whispered._

"_I'm not your baby. I'm not a baby, I'm 16." I spat at him. I could already smell the whiskey on his breath. _

"_Don't be rude." he said as he crawled next to me in my bed. I froze._

"_Get out. I'm tired." I told him. He put his arm over me. I scooted away._

"_Stop." he said forcefully._

"_Get out!" I told him getting out of bed. He stood up and grabbed my arms. _

"_Listen, you worthless little slut. I know you go around sleeping with that Mercer boy."_

"_No, I don't! I've never done that before." I yelled at him._

"_Oh, really? That's even better." he tried to kiss me and I kicked him between the legs. Jack and Bobby had made sure I could protect myself when they weren't around. He fell to the ground and I ran out into the hall, right into my mom. She looked confused and saw him stumble out of my room. _

"_We're leaving tomorrow. Go to Jack's. Stay there. I'll pick you up in the morning." She told me and walked over to Frank. She was yelling at him and packing our things as I left. I ran over to Jack's and climbed in the window. He instantly woke up and took my in his arms. All the events from that night slipped away and I was safe again. Jack had me. I was okay. _

That night I lost my virginity to him and the next day I left. I never told him and I swore he'd never find out. I looked at the house one last time and continued to walk to my hotel. I got there to find that they had fixed my reservations and I was able to get my room. I walked in and my stuff was already there. I walked into the bathroom and unpacked my make-up bag. Something shiny caught my eye and I pulled it out. I walked over to the tub and ran my bath water. I undressed and climbed in. I laid the razor on the side of the tub and stared at it. I relaxed for a few minutes and picked it up. I slowly slid it across my wrist making sure I did it lightly. I relaxed more a I saw little tiny blood drops fall into the water turning a light shade of pink. I set it back down and held out my arms. The scars were light but it was like I could still feel the pain. I was ashamed. Bobby and Jack taught me to fight off other people but they never told me how to fight myself. I slid down further in the tub letting the water cover my lips just under my nose. I remembered the look in Jack's eyes when he pushed me against the wall. Then I recalled the look in his eyes the night he took my virginity. They were two different men. I loved one and I was scared of the other. But which one I loved and which one I was frightened of, I wasn't sure. I closed my eyes and held my breath and let myself fall into the water. I stayed in the tub until my water was ice cold. I got out and went to bed. I laid there and thought about the time the brother taught me to ice skate. Jack and I were 13, Angel was 16, Jerry was 18 and Bobby was 21.

"_Carli, quit moving. I need to tighten your skates." Jack demanded. They had tried to get me on the ice for years. But I always found my way out of it. This year I didn't have an excuse and they took advantage of it. Jack was tying my skates up and Bobby, Jerry and Angel were waiting on the ice. _

"_Ok. We're done." Jack said and stood up. He held out his hand for me to take. I took it, stood up and fell right into him. He laughed and I hit him. "Come on."_

_He held my hand tight as we got onto the ice. Bobby came up beside me and held my other hand. _

"_Now just move with us. Get used to the ice under your feet. Then when you feel comfortable, glide. It's easy, its just weird at first." Bobby said. He loved the ice and hockey. _

"_Ok." They held my hands as we slowly moved along the ice. After a few minutes I started to move my feet. I lost my balance for a moment but Jack and Bobby held me up. I smiled weakly at them._

"_It's ok. You're doing good." Jack assured me. Bobby let me go and Jack and me moved along the ice. Angel and Jerry weren't too far behind us incase I fell. We moved faster and me and Jack were laughing. _

"_See? It's fun. Now if you would have let us teach you four years ago we could be having much more fun." Jack teased. I stuck my tongue out at him and he let me go. I screamed and fell on my butt. All of them laughed and Jack stuck out his hand._

"_Never bite the hand that feeds." He said jokingly. I smiled and took his hand. About 20 minutes later Bobby was telling me I was a natural. I liked it. It felt nice. Made me feel free. _

"I wish I was that girl again, Jack. I wish I could be her again." I thought out loud tracing my newest soon to be scar of my wrist. I laid my head back and fell into a deep sleep.


	3. Sneaky

_**Jack's POV**_

I woke up the next morning still thinking about my fight with Carli. I didn't realize I was holding het that tight. I'm sure she had bruises this morning. I somehow found the motivation to pull myself out of bed. Apparently, my motivation was the little baggie under the sink because it was the bathroom that I went to first. I made out a couple lines and waited for it to kick in. I looked at the baggie and it was almost empty. I sat on the side of the tub and dialed Patrick's number.

"Hey, Jackie. What's up, man?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Not much. I'm about to head over to your house, alright?" I told him. I stood up and flushed the toilet like I had used it and walked out. Bobby was staring at me. I looked at him and walked to my room.

"Cool. I just got back from my man's house so we can have a little mini-party."

"Alright well, let me get dressed." I hung up and put some clothes on. I was about to walk out when my phone rang. I smirked when I saw the name on the ID.

"Holly." I answered.

"Hey, Jackie baby." came the sweet voice from the other side of the phone. "You're not busy today, are you?"

"Of course not. Well, I'm about to head to Patrick's but how about I stop by afterwards?" I knew she would say yes. She loved it when I came by after I left Patrick's. I'd known her for about 3 months now. She was nice, but nothing special. She knew that. She knew all I wanted was a goof lay every once in a while. And well, she gave it to me good. And today I needed that company.

"You know you can. I'll be here." she said sweetly and hung up. I smiled and walked downstairs. Bobby stopped me before I got out the door.

"Heard you and Carli fighting last night." I just looked at him.

"Yeah, so?" He glared at me.

"She's just worried about you, Jack. Hell, we all are." he said. I snapped.

"Only because you filled her little fucking head with lies about me. And nobody fucking cares. Angel is too busy fucking Sofi, Jerry has a new family and you, Bobby, you don't give a damn about anyone but yourself. And did any of you care when I was laying in the fucking street bleeding to death? No! Go fuck yourself." This time there was no doubting what I saw. Bobby's eyes were full of hurt and guilt. I was shocked to say the least. I couldn't deal with that. I got my keys and left.

"Patrick better have better shit than last time." I mumbled to myself as I drove off. The next hour was a blur. He indeed did get better stuff than last time. I lost count of how much I had taken and Carli wasn't even close to being the last thing on my mind. For a while if forgot she was even back. I carefully made my way over to Holly's. She opened the door with a wide smile. She grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me inside. We went to her bedroom and she took of my clothes. I swear we went for hours and hours. She screamed my name time and time again and I thrust into her with no objections. The whole time I was focused on Holly underneath me but as I pulled out of her, it wasn't her I saw. It was Carli. I fell off the bed.

"Jack? Oh my god, are you okay?" she asked rushing to my side. I pushed her away and she frowned. "What the hell?!" she snapped.

"I'm out." I got my clothes and left. As I was walking out I could hear her screaming at me for being an ass and a low life junkie. I sat in my car for a few minutes and made up my mind. I started the car and drove to the hotel Carli was staying at.

* * *

_**Carli's POV**_

I woke up with a major headache. Not only was my head aching but my arm was throbbing too. I got up and walked over to start a pot of coffee. I pulled my bags onto the bed and pulled out a black and white stripped shirt and a jean skirt. I was in the process of putting my hair into a loose ponytail when I heard a knock on my door.

"I ordered room service like 2 hours ago." I mumbled walking to the door. But when I opened it, it wasn't my breakfast. It was Jack. I leaned against the doorway and stared at him. He looked messed up. Eyes were red and so was his nose.

"What?" I spat. His face didn't change.

"Can I come in?" he asked slurring slightly.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you're high or whatever."

"So?"

"So?! You were fucked up last night and I left with bruises on my arms. So no, you can't come in." I raised my voice a little. Still no change on his face.

"That's what I'm here about. I wanted to apologize." he said simply.

"Apologize were you're sober." I went to shut the door but he kicked it back open.

"Then you'll never get one. This is as close as you're going to get. I'll say it once more. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I wasn't me last night."

"You're never you when you're high. So if you don't mean things when you're high, how in th hell am I supposed to believe you when you say you're sorry?" I asked. He glared at me and fear rose in my chest as his eyes went dark.

"Because you know me." he snapped.

"No, I don't think I do. Not anymore at least." I slammed the door in his face and locked it. I leaned my head against it and I could hear him cursing himself. It took everything I had not to open the door and apologize but he deserved it. He needed to see. I finally heard him walk off and I went to call the front desk to see where my food was. Come to find out they lost my order so I decided on pizza. I called the nearest delivery place and ordered in. While I was waiting I called Bobby.

"Hey, kid." he said when he picked up.

"You psychic or something?" I joked. He laughed.

"No. It's called caller ID. It's the 21st century, get caught up." he joked back. "So what's up, Car?"

"Jack came to see me today. God, Bobby, he was so messed up. He was trying to apologize but I didn't take it cause he was high. We had another fight and I slammed the door in his face." I told him.

"Yeah, we had a blow out too. God, he's so angry all the time. I tried to tell him that we cared about him and that we were worried but he didn't take it. He told me why care now when I didn't give a damn when he was dying. Carli...if you had only been there. I was worried sick. He's my little brother, he was dying. Of course I cared. But it messed him up so badly, he's just spiteful to the world now. I don't know what to do." It broke my heart to hear him like that. I sighed.

"Bobby, I'll try to help. I'm not sure how much it'll work but I can try. This isn't Jack and I miss him. He's not the only one going through a tough time. I am too and I need the old Jack."

"Carli, what's going on with you? You keep talking about these problems?" he asked worried.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now. I'll be fine though, I promise." We talked until my pizza arrived and we hung up. I ate a few pieces and decided to take a shower. I got undressed and started the shower. I let the bathroom steam up before stepping in. I had just stepped under to wet my hair when I thought I heard something. I stuck my head out of the shower and looked around. I shook it off and continued to wet my hair. A few short moments later I nearly jumped out my skin when an arm went around my waist and a hand covered my mouth. My scream was muffled but when I opened my eyes it wasn't a stranger, it was Jack. He moved his hand from my mouth and I felt my knees go weak when he grinned at me.

"How...how did you get in here?" I asked shocked. I tried not to look at any other part of him besides his face. He shrugged and pushed me to the side so he could step under the water. "So you just waltz in here to take over _my_ shower?!" I asked him as he ran his hand through his hair to wet it fully. He smiled and looked at me. "Are you mute now?" I asked getting mad and slightly turned on at the same time. He smiled again and leaned against the shower wall. I tried to hid the smile that spread across my face but failed miserably. He smirked and held out his arm. I stepped over to him and he held my face. He gently pulled my up and kissed me. He wrapped the other arm around my waist and deepened the kiss. Oh, I missed those lips. And now they were a hundred time better because they were all wet and soft. He turned me around and pushed me against the wall. I gasped against his mouth as my back touched the cold tile. He pulled back a little and smiled at me. His eyes were a little glazed but not much. Part of me was yelling at me to push him away because he was still high but the other part was too caught up. I needed him. I wanted him. And now I had my chance to get him. I smiled and pulled him down to give him a hot kiss. The moment his tongue entered my mouth I was done for. He sent shivers down my spine as his gently ran his fingers down my naked body. He was experienced the first time I was with him but there was no doubt he was a master now. His touch made me weak and his kiss was demanding but charming. He knew what he could do to a girl and he used it. We kissed for a few minutes, roaming each others bodies that we've missed for years. I sighed contently as he kissed his way down my neck and chest. He moved his hands to my backside and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him and moaned softly as I felt him rub against me. He smirked and kissed me again. He positioned himself at my opening and I moaned loudly as he entered me. I buried my face in his neck as he moved.

"Jack.." I moaned softly. He kissed my neck and quickened his pace.

"It's been too long..." he told me breathlessly. He moved faster and I threw my head back, leaning it on the wall behind me. He kissed my throat and thrust into me harder. "You okay?" he asked. I nodded and tightened my legs around his waist pulling him in deeper. He moaned and bit my chest. I felt myself getting closer and started to dig my nails into the front of his chest. He looked up at me and we held a gaze for a few moments. It was broken by him pushing me further over the edge and screaming his name as I came. He continued to thrust as I came. A moment later he buried his face in my neck to try to muffle his own moans as he came. He slowly pulled out and put me on my feet. I slid to the bottom of the shower with Jack right next to me. He looked over and smiled at me. I leaned over to lay my head on his shoulder and he kissed my hair. We sat in a comfortable silence until we broke it by screaming out loud. The hot water had finally ran out.

"HOLY SHIT!" Jack screamed pulling himself and me out the shower. I was gasping for air as he draped a big fluffy towel over me and held me close rubbing my back. I was shaking and he managed a tiny a laugh through his chattering teeth. "That..was..was really, really cold." he said. I smiled and looked up at him. He leaned down and kissed me softly. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry." he whispered. He opened his eyes and looked into mine. "I'm so sorry, Car."

"Shhhh...Not now. We have a lot to talk about. Just not tonight, okay?" I whispered back. He smiled a little and nodded. We got dressed and walked out the bathroom. We crawled into my bed and turned on the tv. I curled up next to him and laid my head on his chest and he wrapped one arm around me. We watched tv silently for a few minutes. I broke the silence again.

"Jack?" I asked sitting up. He mumbled something inaudible taking a bite from the pizza had order earlier. "How did you manage to get in my hotel room?" I asked seriously. He laughed and almost choked on the pizza.

"Wouldn't you like to know." he teased. I smiled and laid back down next to him. He finished eating and laid down. He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his face into my neck.

"Good night, Carli." he whispered and kissed the back of my neck.

"Night, Jackie."


	4. Confrontation Pt 1

I was sleeping peacefully until I felt someone staring at me. I opened one eye to see Carli's beautiful face with a smile plastered on it. I smiled back and pulled her closer to me. I buried my face in her neck and kissed her softly. She giggled and pulled away.

"Good morning." she said softly.

"Morning. How long you been awake?" I asked stretching.

"Only about 20 minutes." she replied.

"You should have woken me up."

"I did." she said sweetly.

"I meant when you woke up, smart ass." She smiled.

"Well, you looked like you needed it. And you were so peaceful." she said simply. I knew what she was getting at.

"Not right now, Carli. It's too early. Let's eat and then we'll talk, I promise." I assured her. She looked skeptical but nodded. We called room service and they actually delivered it. She had told me about their mess up last night. We ate breakfast and watched tv for a about an hour when I noticed her fidgeting.

"It's killing you, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes. Jack, I'm worried about you. So is Bobby. I know it's not like him but he is." she told me.

"He does not. He cares about himself and no one else." I snapped at her. I saw the hurt in her eyes. She got up and walked into the bathroom. I heard the door lock and walked over to it. "Car, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I know you're worried. How about we go to my house and talk? I need to change." Nothing but silence. "Bobby can talk with us, if he wants to." I sighed. She opened to door and walked out smiling. I shook my head and we left. We drove to my house and luckily Bobby was not there. I heard her let out a frustrated sigh.

"We're still going to talk, right?" she asked hopefully. I sighed and nodded. "Good. Come on, let's go to your room." We walked up to my room and she started talking as I changed.

"So where do you want to start?" she asked. I sat down and put my head in my hands.

"Why'd you leave?" I asked. "Tell me what happened. I wanna know."

"No you don't." she said softly. I shot my head up and looked at her.

"Look, this is a two way street! If you want me to spill my guts to you, you spill your..." I started yelling but she cut me off.

"He tried to touch me!" she yelled, her voice cracking at the end.

"Who?"

"Frank." she said simply. "He was drunk and my mom wasn't home yet. He came up to my room and tried to touch me. I screamed and my mom came running in the room. She knew what had happened and she told me we were leaving and for me to stay with you that night."

"You let me...let me touch you after what he tried. God, Carli, now I feel like I took advantage of you." I said feeling guilty.

"Don't. The moment I stepped into your room that night, I knew I was safe. You didn't do anything I didn't want you to. I didn't regret it then and I sure as hell don't regret it now."

"What happened after you left?"

"Nothing. She divorced him, he apologized, went to jail a few years ago. We just tried to start over. You have no idea how guilty she felt for taking me away from you. She missed all of you each day. But she couldn't stand to be back here." she cried softly. I took her in my arms. I held her and let her cry. I sighed and buried my face in her hair.

"It started when I left the hospital. The drugs that is. They took my pain medicine away and I needed something else. Patrick helped me out. I started coke and then a few choice other things that I'm not proud of. I only do powder now and some pills every so often. I drink a lot. It makes me forget. Forget how I felt when the shots rang out, forget the pain I still feel in my chest and legs. To forget the fact that my family doesn't give a shit about me now."

"That's not fucking true!" Bobby's voice bellowed through the kitchen. His eyes were sparkled with tears. "You're my brother! It killed me seeing you there, bleeding to death. I didn't do my job, I broke my promise. I blame me for what happened. It doesn't bother me that you blame me too. I know it was my fault, but damn it Jack, I want my brother back. We all do." He pointed to Angel and Jerry behind me. They too looked on the verge of tears.

"We know we haven't been the best brothers and we know we should have never brought you into this but that does not mean we don't love and care for you, Jackie. You're our baby brother, you always will be. No matter what you do or where you go. It wasn't that we were too preoccupied with other things to not be here for you. We were afraid to see you. It's because of our foolishness that you got shot. Every time I see you..." Angel choked on his words. "I see you laying in the snow. It killed me. And then you got so angry, I knew you weren't the same. I couldn't be around you because it hurt. Sofi's yelled at me more that the norm because she knows your hurting too and we're too scared to say something." he finished. My heart kept sinking as they all spoke. And as if it could sink any further Jerry spoke up.

"Jackie, my girls...They just want their Uncle Jack back. They miss you. The old you. They miss playing ball with you and you taking them to the park." Jerry said softly. "Hell, I miss the old Jack. We all do."

"The old Jack is dead. He died outside that day in the snow." I said heatedly. I didn't want this confrontation. Not now, not ever. Only because I knew they were right.

"No he didn't." Carli spoke for the first time.

"Oh really now? And how would you know that?" I asked snappily.

"Because I saw him last night. I felt him holding me all night and I woke up to him this morning. He's not dead, you just locked him away and replaced him with a very, very angry and spiteful man." she said softly. I looked at her and I felt my heart jump a little.

"Carli, you have way too much trust in me."

"So, I care about you, Jack. This isn't you." she stated.

"I know that! But I'll never be that guy again, Carli. I can't give you that guy back. He's gone. Stop being so naive and look in front of you. Look at me. What do you see?" I yelled at her getting in her face. She let a few tears fall and gently grabbed my face to place a soft kiss on my lips.

"Certainly not the Jack I fell in love with. But I'll tell you again. I felt him last night, he was there. Just like he was there the night before I left." she said looking at me in the eyes. I felt tears start to surface as I watched her walk away again. I slammed my fist on the table and looked around at my brother's.

"Where's Daniela and Amelia?" I asked softly. I saw a big grin spread across Jerry's face and laughed a bit. "I almost forgot how big your teeth were, Jer." And for the first time in a long time, we laughed together.

"Well, how about we never let you almost forget again?" Angel asked walking up to me and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"That'd be nice." I replied. He smiled broadly then stopped and turned serious.

"No jokes about my teeth. I did not get them whitened. You boys are just jealous because I gotta a pretty smile." he declared. We laughed again and this time Bobby spoke up.

"Alright, so maybe Jack was never the fairy. Maybe you were Ang. Because I've never heard Jackie boy refer to anything on him as pretty." Bobby joked. Angel scowled at him then smiled again.

"Well, he's had Carli on him and he's called her pretty, so does that count?" he teased. I punched him in the arm.

"Don't push it." I warned him. We all walked to the cars and drove over the Jerry's. I knew I would have to talk t Carli later. But right now, I know she'd want me with my family. I walked into the backyard and heard two high pitched squeals. I looked over to see my two nieces running full speed in my direction.

"Uncle Jack!! Uncle Jack!" they screamed and hugged me. I laughed and picked Amelia up.

"Hey, girls. Wanna play some ball?" They nodded and we played for about 20 minutes. I took a break and walked into the kitchen. I wasn't feeling to well. I hadn't taken anything since before I went to Carli's last night and I was feeling th effects. Camille walked in and smiled at me.

"Girls wear you out, Jackie?" she asked.

"Yeah. Been a long time since I've played that hard." I replied. She looked over at me oddly.

"You ok, Jack? Your jittery." I looked down to see my leg bouncing rapidly. I stopped and looked up at her.

"Sorry.." she cut me off.

"I know what you've been doing, Jack." she told me as she set a glass of water in front of me.

"I'm sorry, Camille. I don't want you to make me stay away from the girls. I'm trying." I started to ramble. She smiled and kneeled in front of me.

"Jack, I would never do that. You're there uncle and you're my brother-in-law. I don't think less of you, I'm just worried. I know you're tired of hearing that but we all are. Jerry's not the same. He's so much quieter. He gets so depressed sometimes. We want you to get better, ok?" she told me. I nodded and drank the water.

"Thanks, Camille. I guess I better go back out there. Bobby looks like he's getting mad." I said looking at Bobby with the girls.

"Yeah, he's tried to fill in for you and the girls don't like it. Last time we had the bat come threw the window." She told me. I laughed and walked outside to relieve Bobby of his duties. We stayed until late that night, watching movies and talking about the girls' school activities. I hadn't realized how much I had actually missed them. As we were leaving I told Bobby and Angel that I was going to see Carli and talk to her. I tried to call but she didn't answer. I parked the car and grabbed a case out the trunk of my car. I walked to her room and knocked. She opened it and smiled.

"Hey." she said softly. I smiled and held up my case a little. Her smiled got bigger and let me in.

"Just left Jerry's. I forgot how energetic they were. You need to go by and see them sometime. They'll like you." I told her sitting down.

"So did you guys talk a bit?" I nodded and unlocked my case. "Did you have fun?" I nodded again and pulled my guitar out. It was dusty but it never felt so good in my hands. I looked it over then looked up at Carli.

"I wanna play you something. It came to me on the way over here." She nodded and sat back on the bed. I tuned the guitar and started to play.

**Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right  
I never stopped to think of you  
I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannot win  
You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high**

**What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold**

To you I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again  
Cause now I can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high

**I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known  
I guess for me there's just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold**

**What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold **

I stopped playing to looked over to her.

"I'm going to try, Carli. I missed my family, my nieces. I missed you. I can't promise you anything but I can tell you that I will try. But I need you. I need your help." I confessed to her softly.

"I'm here, Jackie. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. We'll get better together. I know it will never be like it was but it'll be better." she said confidently and kissed my lips. I pulled her down next to me and wrapped my arms around her. As I fell asleep I thought about today and how happy I was to feel apart of my own family again. The looks on Dani and Amelia's faces were priceless. I felt guilty for not being there and happy to finally be back. But could I do it. Could I give up the thing that helped me for the past year? I wasn't too sure but I knew I had to try. For my family, for those two little girls and for Carli.

"I love you, Carli." I whispered as I fell asleep.

Song: Cold by Crossfade


	5. Heavily Broken

About two weeks had passed since my confrontation with Carli and my brothers. I told them that I had quit and I did for a while. I let them flush all my hidden stashes. But the days started to get longer and I became more restless. I somehow convinced myself that it would be okay to slowly rid myself of it. I called Patrick up one day and went to pick up one tiny bag. And well, now I'm here, again looking at myself in the mirror. I have to admit I looked better but there's no way I could quit this quick. I took out Sofi's mirror and grabbed a razor. I cut out a few lines and helped myself. I sat there for a minute and sighed as I felt the rush come over me. I heard my bedroom door open and quickly cleaned up. I made sure my nose was clear and opened the door. I laughed as I saw Carli with her hand in the air about to knock My laughter was replace with guilt as I saw her smile. She was so proud of me. She always told me that I was Jack again. I played more and I talked more.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Just a little tired. Morning." I lied and hugged her. She hugged me back and pushed me out of the bathroom. "Be nice, now." I playfully warned her.

"I gotta pee." she smiled and shut the door. I walked into my bedroom and dressed in some different clothes. I heard her yell from downstairs and I walked out.

"What?!" I yelled walking down the steps.

"A rat!!" she screamed. I walked into the kitchen to see her holding a huge knife and standing on the counter. I looked over to where she pointed and saw a tiny white mouse. It was sitting up eating a crumb. I laughed and grabbed an old shot box. I walked over to it and put the box over it. I turned it over and looked at it.

"It's just a mouse. Looks like a pet. It's cute." I told her.

"Well, its not out pet so get it out before I kill it." she yelled.

"Car, it's cute. Look at it. It's used to being in a box. It's not even trying to get out." I walked over to her and she raised the knife. I laughed and kept walking. "Please, don't stab me. Guns hurt enough." She glared at me and put the knife down. I held the box out slightly and she looked at it. Her mouth twisted and her head tilted as she looked at it. She slowly put out a finger and poked it really hard. "Jeeze, gentle. It's a mouse." I laughed. She glared at me again. She reached out her finger again and touched gently this time. She pulled her hand back and crossed her arms. She sighed and looked around.

"I guess it's kinda cute. It's soft or whatever." she said. I laughed and put the box down.

"I'm not gonna keep it. I'll take it to Amelia. She's wanted a pet for a while. Why not a cute little mouse?" I told her. She peeked over the edge of the box and nodded. I kissed her and gathered the mouse. "Alright, I'm taking this over to Jerry's. I'll be back later. You mind washing some clothes?" I asked. She looked at me like I had three heads.

"Do I look like your wife?" she joked.

"No. You look like my lovely partially live in girlfriend." I teased back.

"So is that what I am?" she asked softly. I walked over to her and stood between her legs. I leaned in and kissed her softly.

"Yes." She smiled and kissed me. "I'll be back."

"Ok. And yes, I'll wash your damn clothes." she yelled as I left.

* * *

_**Carli's POV**_

I jumped off the counter and put the knife I had back up. I walked to the cabinet and pulled out pancake mix. I heard footsteps in the hall and looked over to see a half asleep Bobby and Angel walk in. Their heads popped up when they heard me move around.

"Pancakes?" they both asked hopefully. They looked at each other and I laughed.

"Yeah. I almost killed a little mouse earlier and Jack took it to Jerry's. So that means you boys get to have breakfast with moi." I said.

"You mean me?" Bobby asked.

"No, I meant me." I stated knowing I was about to confuse the hell out of him.

"That's what I said." I turned around and waved the spatula at him.

"No, you said eat with you."I declared.

"No, I said me. Meaning you."he told me getting slightly agitated.

"How does you mean me?"I asked.

"You said 'moi' and I said you mean 'me' as in you." he said angrily.

"Bobby, moi means me in French." Angel said laughing.

"I know that , jackass! I was picking on her but she went all mouthy on me and fought back." Bobby told him, glaring at me. We laughed it off and ate breakfast. Bobby and Angel said they would clean up so I went to gather mine and Jack's clothes. I drug the basket to the laundry room in the basement and separated them. I was loading the dark clothes in the washer when something from Jack's pants stabbed me. I reached in his pocket and pulled out a razor. There was white powder in the edge and angry bubbled inside of me. I reached in his other pocket and pulled out a tiny bag filled with white stuff. I looked at the jeans and noticed they were the ones he was wearing when he came out the bathroom. I set them aside and finished washing clothes. About an hour later I heard Jack coming home. He walked into the laundry room and wrapped his arms around me. I tensed and he noticed.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I stayed silent and focused on folding the clothes on front of me. "Carli." he said in a rough tone. Again, I was silent. I turned me around to face him. I glared and him and stayed quiet. He looked at me shocked. I could see his high wearing off and he was getting agitated. This made me uneasy. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" he demanded.

"You." I said simply. He glared at me and pushed me back. All my confidence was fading, quickly. He was getting mean. I softened my stare and looked away.

"What about me, Carli?" he asked.

"I know, Jack." I told him softly.

"You know what?" he demanded again.

"That you didn't quit. I found your stuff in your pants pocket. The fucking razor stabbed me." I yelled at him. That was my first mistake. He pushed me against the wall and pressed his forearm to my throat.

"So what!? You expect me to quit like that. I can't Carli. It's not gonna happen." he yelled at me. Tears stung my eyes but his eyes never softened.

"Jack, you have to. I can help. Remember? I told you I would help."

"The only thing you do is nag me about why I should quit and stay off. I told you the guy you met all those years ago is gone. He's not coming back. So get off my back. This is none of your business." he screamed inches from my face. I let my tears fall and looked away. I felt his arm leave my throat and I looked up at him. Horror was spread across his face and he looked away.

"Jack..." I croaked rubbing my neck. He shook his head and left. I watched him walk out and I slid down the wall and cried. I heard the door slam as he left and I started to sob. I heard Bobby and Angel run down stairs and they ran over to me. Bobby pulled me into a hug as Angel rubbed my back. They knew what happened but didn't make me talk. They just sat there and let me cry it out. I eventually stopped and Bobby carried me upstairs. He laid me on his bed and sat next to me.

"Can you get me my guitar?" I asked softly. He nodded and went to Jack's room to get my guitar. I came back and st next to me as I sat up. I started to fiddle with the strings and slowly found a nice melody. I sat there and hummed along as Angel walked in and sat in a chair in the corner. I played around for a few more minutes and started to sing softly.

**Everyday I sit here waiting  
Everyday just seems so long  
And now I've had enough of all the hating  
Do we even care, it's so unfair  
Any day it'll all be over  
Everyday there's nothing new  
And now I just try to find some hope  
To try and hold ontoBut it starts again  
It'll never end**

**I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do**

**Almost giving up on trying  
Almost heading for a fall  
And now my mind is screaming out  
I've gotta keep on fighting  
But then again  
It doesn't end**

**I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do  
And there's nothing I can do**

**Feels like I'm drowning  
I'm screaming for air  
(Screaming for air)  
Louder I'm crying  
And you don't even care**

**I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
(What can I do)  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken...**

I looked up to see Bobby and Angel asleep. I set my guitar down and walked into the bathroom. I rummaged through the bathroom for a few minutes until I found what I wanted. I sat down in the tub and cried more.

* * *

_**Jack's POV**_

I left the house and walked around. I went to the park and sat on the swings. I stayed there for about an hour trying to block out the memory of I had just done. That was the second time I had hurt her. All when I was fucked up. I knew she as right but it felt good. I needed it. But I knew I needed her more. And to have her, I'd give anything. I walked back to the house and walked upstairs. I saw Bobby and Angel asleep in Bobby's room. Bobby on the bed and Ang in a chair. I saw Carli's guitar and she must have sang them to sleep. I walked into my room and looked for Carli. She wasn't there. I looked out into the hall and saw the light in the bathroom. I sighed and knocked. No answer. I opened the door and peeked in. I saw Carli's feet in the tub but she had clothes on. I walked over and looked in the tub. My heart dropped almost immediately. I rushed over to the side and grabbed the now bloody razor from the side of tub. I threw it in the trash and reached out to Carli. There was blood everywhere. Our white tub and shower curtain was now a blood red. Tears stung my eyes as I reached to check for a pulse. I found one but it was faint. I picked up her arm and winced. It was deep.

"Carli, baby. Wake up. What have you done to yourself?" I asked choking back tears.

"It's no different from what you do to yourself." she said softly. I looked at her hurt. She looked at me in the eyes and started crying. "Jack..." I stopped her and touched her face. I screamed for Bobby when I felt how cold she was. Bobby and Angel ran in and saw her. Angel called 911 but they said it would be a while there was a wreck on the highway.

"Jack, pick her up. We're driving her to the hospital." I did as he told me and we left. Bobby and Angel glared at me the whole way. I stroked her face and kept the cloth on her wrist.

"I'm so sorry, Carli. I swear to you I'll never do it again. I know I said it once but I swear. I need you though so you need to stay with me, ok?" I sobbed. I saw Bobby and Angel's faces soften.

"Keep talking to her. It helps. We talked to you the whole time." Bobby said softly. I nodded and started to sing to her.

**I will sacrifice, I promise I'll behave  
I'll keep my head high, I'll keep my foot out of the grave  
I'm lucky I found you, you always speak the truth  
Cause in my past life baby I got screwed  
And I'm still out of line  
When it comes to you  
And I'm still out of line  
I keep trying to break throughI'm not a bad man, I'm just a glutton for abuse  
In my dirty hands, a diamond clean and shackles loose  
Let's take some more time, I want to make it through  
Was it the first time, or just another bad excuse**

**And I'm still out of line  
When it comes to you  
And I'm still out of line  
I keep trying to break through**

**Yeah, yeah, yeah a ah, yeah a ah aaa  
I will sacrifice, I promise I'll behave  
I'll keep my head high I'll deep my foot out of the grave**

**And I'm still out of line  
When it comes to you  
And I'm still out of line  
I keep trying to break through**

Song: Heavily Broken by The Veronicas and Out Of Line by Buckcherry


	6. Mouth Shut

My heart was broken. Her blood was stained on my hands. My clothes were ruined. You could even see the ring where her blood has set in the tub. We didn't use that bathroom anymore. It was too painful. I didn't even sleep in my room. I slept on the couch. Bobby didn't talk much. Somewhere deep inside he blamed him for all of this. For asking her to stay and help me. But I knew it was my fault. I should have quit when I did. I messed up. I hurt her again. I could already see the bruise on her throat when we took her to the hospital. It killed me when they asked if she tried to hang herself too. I had nightmares about it. When I closed my eyes I saw her laying in the tub covered in her blood. Her empty cold eyes haunted me. Her last words echoed in my head. _'It's no different from what you do to yourself.'_ It played in my head over and over again. I felt like I let her down. I ruined her.

_We drove to the hospital. Barley making it there in one piece as Bobby almost crashed three times. Angel ran into the ER to get a nurse as I got out the car. I ran in behind him and they had a stretcher ready. I laid her down and they pushed me away. Bobby parked the car and came back a few minutes later. We sat in the waiting room and called Jerry. He was there in record time. We sat there for about 10 minutes until a doctor came out. He said he had no news but he needed her information._

"_Her name?" he asked._

"_Carli Noelle James." I answered._

"_Date of birth?"_

"_November 17, 1984."_

"_Any allergies that you know of?"_

"_Just seasonal and aspirin."_

"_Any family we can call, blood family?"_

"_No. Her mom passed about a year ago. We're all she's got."_

"_Who is she closest too? Or who would want to make the decisions if complications should arise?" I paled at this question._

"_Me." I answered sadly._

"_And your name?"_

"_Jack Mercer. September 3, 1984."_

"_Thank you. Now what is your relationship? Just friends?" I looked at the ground and sighed._

"_A little more."_

"_Jack, why would she try to kill herself?" he asked seriously._

"_I...We had a fight. I left and came back and she was in the tub. It's my fault." I whispered. He shook his head and placed a hand on my shoulder._

"_How long has she been hurting herself?" he asked. I looked at him confused._

"_How long? What do you mean?" _

"_We found other scars on her wrist. Tells us she's been hurting herself for a while. They were not deep so it tells us she was not suicidal, just looking to inflict pain and control it. I'm thinking that she didn't mean for this to happen. At least, I hope she didn't." _

"_Me too." He thanked me and left. I sat there with my head in my hands. I could hear the constant bustle of the ER around me. I heard Bobby and Angel shifting in the seats. I heard Jerry answering his phone every five minutes when Camille called. I heard babies crying and people coughing. But even with all the noise It felt like I was alone. Surrounded by nothing but white walls. I remembered praying at one point. I asked Him to let her live. He let me live, why take her? She's done nothing wrong. I'm the screw up. The only reason He had to take her from me was to teach me a lesson and I swore to Him that I had already learned it. He didn't have to go that far. I lifted my head and looked around for the bathroom. I spotted it in the far corner and walked over to it. I walked in and stood in front of the mirror. Tears fell from my eyes as I saw my reflection. My hands were covered in blood. My white shirt was a crimson red. I had blood on my face, my neck and my arms. I could have swore there was more blood on me now than there was when I was shot. Her blood. It was all over me._

_I fell to my knees and sobbed. A moment later I heard someone walk in and I felt arms wrap around me. The arms hugged me tight and I sobbed into the person's shoulder. I felt another pair of arms go around me and I looked up to see Bobby and Jerry holding me and Angel getting paper towels to clean me up._

"_It'll be okay, Jackie. She'll be okay. We're going to fix this, alright?" Bobby said softly. I stared off as they took the towels and wiped my hands and face off. Bobby took off his sweatshirt and undershirt. He handed me the undershirt and told me to change. I took of my blood soaked shirt and threw it away. I pulled the other shirt on and looked at myself one last time. I closed my eyes and prayed that Bobby was right. She had to be okay._

I still remembered the feel of her blood on my hands. I found myself washing them more often. Some days I scrubbed them until they were raw. I just wanted to get it off. I now sat in my room for the first time since that night. It was eery without her. Everything seemed so cold and empty. It wasn't the same. I looked around and saw her night clothes in the same spot she left them. I walked over and picked up her shirt. I held it to my faced and breathed in. I missed that smell. Her. She smelled like...Honey. Honey, all the time. She never got into the whole fruity or flowery perfumes. She preferred the nice and not so strong smells. That's one of the many things I loved about her. Loved. It sounded so cruel. So...dead. I dropped her shirt and folded it on the bed. I laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I reached over to grab the pillow when I felt something under it. It was her song book. I opened and skimmed through. Some were old songs and some were new. I flipped to the last page and saw it dated from yesterday. It was called Mouth Shut. I leaned back and read it.

**I kept my mouth shut from the start  
I guess I left you in the dark  
You thought you knew me but you don't  
You say you'll love me but you wont  
When you find out who I am**

**I kept my mouth shut for too long  
All this time you got me wrong  
Now we're in this way too far  
I'm about to break your heart  
Tear everything we had apart**

**'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm in your arms  
The reasons are gone  
For why I was holding on to you  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become**

**Won't keep my mouth shut anymore  
I've had my share of closing doors  
Now I know I'm not afraid  
I know exactly what you'll say  
But I'm sorry it's too late**

**'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm in your arms  
The reasons are gone  
For why I was holding on to you  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become**

**Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(I kept inside of me for all this time)  
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(Thought that I could make it work if I just tried)  
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(But I'm sorry to admit that I have lived a lie)**

**'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm in your arms  
The reasons are gone For why I was holding on to you  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become**

**I kept my mouth shut for too long  
Now I know that it was wrong**

**I wish I told you from the start  
That this was never meant to last  
We should've never gone this far**

**Won't keep my mouth shut anymore**

I flipped it closed and thought about the song and what the doctor had said. I wondered how long it had been going on? I wonder if she was going to tell me? I confessed to her. Maybe she needed time like I did. I put the book on the dresser and sat back up. I placed my head in my hands again and remembered back to that day.

_I sat back down in the waiting room and looked around. There was about 10 people not including me and my brothers. They were pretty slow now. Nurses were trying to calm a lady down. Her baby was running a temperature and she was freaking out. A man and his wife were in a minor accident and were being checked out. I shook my head and the old man refused to be looked at until the lady and her baby were seen. I leaned back into the chair and waited. Half an hour passed and we were still waiting. Jerry had gone home to Camille. Angel was asleep in the corner and Bobby was playing a hand held video game. I closed my eyes and took a short cat nap. I woke up to my stomach growling. I stood up and walked to the vending machine._

"_Hello, son." an old man said. I looked at him and nodded. "Are you sick?"_

"_No." I answered simply._

"_Oh ok." he replied. "Well, why are you here?"_

"_A friend of mine is hurt, badly." I sighed and put in my coins._

"_Do you love her?" he asked. I looked at him surprised._

"_How do you know it's a her?" _

"_I see it in your eyes. I also see that you're blaming yourself." _

"_How do you know that?" I asked and grabbed my bag of chips._

"_Because I see in your eyes what I felt the day I lost my wife. I was drunk and decided to drive. We crashed and she died." he said shakily._

"_Do you still blame yourself?" I asked softly._

"_No. I realized she wouldn't have blamed me." he said. I looked down and sighed. "Just love her with all you have. Whether she makes it or not. Love her with all that is you. That's the least you can give her if you blame yourself." he said walking away. I watched him go and walked back to my seat. I opened my bag of chips and took a bite. I was so hungry but it made me sick. I couldn't eat. I laid them next to me and closed me eyes again. I was awoken about 20 minutes later. Bobby and Angel were talking to the doctor. I saw him shake his head and Bobby slide down the wall holding his head. Angel covered his face. The doctor looked straight at me and gave me a sad smile as I walked over. I felt tears prick my eyes as I got closer. I knew this was going to be bad..._

I looked at my clock and sighed. I had to get dressed. I stood up and crossed my room to the closet. I pull out a pair of black pants and a white button up shirt. I slowly got dressed and put my shoes on. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. I did not want to do this. I hated it. This was the last place I wanted to be. I felt my chest tighten as I thought about it. I ran my hand through my hair and tried to tame it. It wasn't happening. I looked at the clock one last time and dropped my head. I could hear Bobby's footsteps walking up the stairs. I heard him pause before he knocked.

"Come in." I called to him. He cracked the door and peeked in. He leaned against the frame and looked at me.

"You ready?" he asked softly. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time and sighed.

"No. I can't do this Bobby." I told him softly. He walked over and patted my back.

"Do it for Carli, Jack. Do it for her." I nodded and we walked downstairs where Angel and Jerry were. I looked at us all partially dressed up. We walked outside to the car.

"Why do I feel like I'm going to a funeral?" I asked as we drove off.

"Because you are, Jack." bobby replied looking at me in the rearview mirror. I nodded and looked out the window.

Song: Mouth shut by The Veronicas


	7. Step One

"Today we bury the old Jack, for good." I told him as he walked up into the white building.

"That's what Bobby said." he laughed. He looked up at me and smiled slightly. "You ready for this?" he asked me.

"Yes. We need this. Not just for us but for everyone. We can't do it on our own. We found that out the hard way." I told him. He nodded and we walked in waving to the brother's behind us. We walked up to the front desk and Jack went first.

"Name, sir?" the lady asked sweetly.

"Mercer. Jack Mercer." he replied.

"Reason you're signing in?" she asked again.

"Abuse. Drugs." he told her softly.

"I'm glad you're here. We'll make you better. I'm Louise." she told him and handed him a stack of papers to fill out. He sat down and nodded for me to go.

"Name, miss?" she asked me.

"James. Carli James." I told her.

"Reason for coming?" she asked again.

"Abuse. Self-abuse." I told her. She smiled and patted my hand.

"Welcome to Willow Springs Rehabilitation Center. Fill these out and we'll get you two signed in." she said and handed me my papers. I sat down next to Jack and sighed. He grabbed my hand and smiled.

"Thank you for doing this with me." he told me.

"No, thank you for doing this with me." I reminded him.

_I remember sitting in the tub and taking th razor to my arm. I cried silently and started to panic as I saw more blood than usual. As scared as I was I couldn't move, I couldn't scream. I watched as it poured down my arm and into the tub. I remember Jack screaming for me to wake up and him singing to me. I remember doctor's trying to get my heart to start after it stopped, again. I remember apologizing to everyone I ever loved. I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't realize I had cut too deep until it was too late. Of all the little things I remember the thing I remember the most and the thing I will never forget was what I saw when I woke up. Jack. _

"_Jack..." I croaked. His head shot up and a fresh set of tears fell over the paths of old ones. He smiled sadly and squeezed my hand._

"_Carli, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. It's my fault, I know. I'm sorry..." he began to ramble. I held a finger up and silenced him._

"_Stop. I'm sorry. I should have told you about what I did. You confessed to me and I kept my mouth shut. You deserved better than that. I didn't try to kill myself Jackie. I swear, I didn't." I sobbed. He sat on the bed and hugged me. _

"_I know. I know, you's never do that." he told me. We jumped a little when the door swung open. I looked up to see Bobby. I smiled and he looked like he was about to faint. He walked over to me and held my face. He let the tears fall and never tried to hide them. He looked at me in the eye and got serious._

"_If...if you ever. And I mean ever, pull something like that again, Car. I swear I will kill you myself." he told me. I cried harder and he pulled me into a hug. He held me and Jack rubbed my back as I sobbed. I can't believe I did this. Bobby was crying and Jack was blaming himself. I pulled out of their grasps and leaned back onto my bed. Bobby looked at me and Jack and pulled out a piece of paper. He handed it to me and I read it._

"_Willow Springs Rehabilitation Center, the place for young adults who seek help. Confidential and helpful. Dry your eyes and cleanse your souls, we'll help you bury those demons." I read out loud._

"_I've already talked to them. The deal with all kinds of abuse. Drug and self abuse. They have a few spots available and I reserved two for you guys. No if's, an's or but's. You both are going. I've tried, Angel's tried and Jerry's tried. We can't help you. And neither of you are able to help each other. So you're going to get help and support each other the whole way." he said and then walked out. I looked at Jack who had his head bowed. I reached out and touched his shoulder._

"_You think he's right?" he asked me softly. I looked at the paper again._

"_Maybe. Instead of trying to help each other out maybe we should get help and support each other that way. But we have to get this done with, Jack. I can't be with you if you're going to hurt me like you have. And I know you can't deal with me waling around with these scars." I told him. He looked up and nodded._

"_We'll do it together. We'll go for however long they need us to. We'll get the help we need and we'll get better. Not only for us but for everyone else. So we can be together again." he told me._

"_Ok. We'll do it. We'll go the day I get out." I told him. He nodded and kissed my wrist._

"_No more." he told me._

"_No, no more." I assured him._

We filled out our paper work and turned it in. Louise came back with sheets and pillows. She handed one set to Jack and one to me. She informed us that we would be sharing a room. She said it's more comforting to room with someone you trust and know. I smiled over at Jack who was wearing his own little grin. We walked into our room and looked around. Our bags were already here.

"Well, ain't this cozy." he said sarcastically.

"I miss your bed." I pouted as I laid on my bed. He laughed and jumped next to me almost throwing me off. "Jeeze, hurting me already." I joked. He didn't think it was funny.

"So, how's your arm healing?" he asked pulling the bandage back to look at it.

"Good. I'm putting this scar stuff on it so it won't scar too bad." I told him. He nodded and kissed it. I smiled as he moved up to kiss me. I put a hand up to stop him.

"Jack, we're in rehab and you wanna make out?!" I asked him laughing.

"Well, what if I tell them I have another addiction?" he asked huskily. I shivered and bit my lip.

"What would that be, Jackie?" I asked sweetly in his ear. He got face to face with me and smirked.

"You." he said before pressing his full lips against mine. I returned the kiss and ran my fingers through his hair. He was slipping his hand up my shirt when I saw a man walk over and stand next to the bed. We jumped apart and he laughed.

"Well, I thought this was the..." he looked at his clipboard. "the junkie and the self abuser's room not the sex addicts. Guess Louise is getting a tab bit old for this job." he laughed. Me and Jack exchanged weird looks. Did he just call Jack a junkie?

"Who are you?" Jack asked.

"I'm Dr. Woods. I'll be helping you through your stay here. Try not to make too much noise in here though. Your neighbor is OCD and hates funny noises. She's been here a while." he told us. I raised an eyebrow and looked over at Jack who had the same look on his face. "No, I'm not your ordinary type of doctor. I'm more fun. Now you're here for 16 days. If you wish to stay longer, you can. At the end of the 16 days, we'll tell you if we feel you need to stay longer but it's your decision that is final. Now each day except for Saturdays and Sundays you have a new step. Today is step one. Step one is admitting you have a problem. I will talk to you separately then have a group she-bang. Jack, I'll see you now and Carli, I'll send for you when I'm done." he told us. Jack looked at me and sighed. He kissed me and left. Now what was I supposed to do. I looked at our bags and decided to unpack.

* * *

**Step One: Admitting Your Problem - Jack Mercer**

I sat down in the chair that was set aside for me and looked around. It was a nice little office. Dr. Woods sat in front of me and pulled out a notebook.

"Okay, Jack. You ready?" he asked me.

"Yeah, I guess." I sighed.

"No guessing. You have to be ready." he told me.

"Ok. I'm ready." I told him.

"Ok. What brings you here, Jack?" he asked opening his pen top.

"Drugs."I told him simply.

"Drug of choice?"

"Cocaine." He nodded.

"When did you start?"

"About a year ago." I sighed. This was already bugging me.

"How often a day did you use it?"

"I did at least six lines a day."I said softly. He nodded again.

"And at max?"

"Nine or ten."

"Why did you do it?" he asked looking at me.

"It made me feel good. Kept the pain away."

"Did any one know you used it?"

"Yeah. They knew."

"Did they ever ask you to quit?" he peered from over his glasses.

"Yes. Lots of people, lots of times."

"But you didn't?"

"Nope. That's why I'm here." I told him sardonically. He smiled and nodded.

"I thought you were here because you got high, came down bad, choked her girlfriend and she ended up trying to kill herself. But that's what I heard." I jumped up and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

"I did not do that on purpose! And I didn't provoke her to try and kill herself! She wasn't trying to kill herself anyways! Get your fucking facts straight!!" I spat at him. He smiled at me and adjusted his tie.

"Were you always this angry?" he started again.

"No."

"Not until you started?"

"Yeah."

"Do you like hurting the people you love, Jack?"

"No." I answered softly.

"Do you think you have an addiction, Jack?" he asked me. I looked down and thought about the times I had hurt Carli.

"Yes. I do."

"When did you realize this?"

"When I found Carli laying in a pool of her own blood." I answered flatly.

"Are you ready to get over this addiction, Jack? To stop hurting Carli and yourself?"

"Yes. I am." I told him honestly.

"Good. Now say it. Admit it." I sighed and rubbed my face.

"My name is Jack Mercer and I have an addiction to cocaine."

"Hello, Jack. I'm here to help you." he said holding his hand out to me. I shook it and left.

* * *

**Step One: Admitting Your Problem - Carli James**

I walked into the office and sat down. I figured Jack had just left because it was still warm. Dr. Wood's sat in front of me and smiled.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"What brings you to Willow Springs, Carli?" he asked.

"I hurt myself."

"How?" he asked looking at his paper.

"I cut."

"Where?"

"My wrists."

"When did this start?"

"About three years ago."

"Why did you start?"

"I just felt I couldn't control anything in my life. But this I could." I told him ashamed.

"How often do you cut yourself?"

"Three times a week, maybe." He nodded and wrote on his pad.

"Do they scar?"

"Some do."

"Do you like scarring yourself?"

"No. I don't." I shook my head.

"Did anyone know?"

"No. Not until Jack found me."

"In a pool of your own blood, as he put it?"

"Yeah." I felt tears prick my eyes. Jack had talked about me.

"Did you wan to die?"

"No. I didn't mean to go that far. It was an accident."

"So the blade just happened to slice your wrist all those times?"

"What?! No." I cried trying to be calm.

"So then it wasn't an accident. You wanted to cut yourself. You wanted to feel pain."

"Stop!" I screamed.

"Just this time someone found you. Jack found you."

"I didn't mean to." I cried.

"Do you think you have an addiction to hurting yourself?" he asked.

"Yes."

"When did you notice this?"

"When I woke up in a hospital room." I wiped my eyes and sat back.

"Do you want to keep hurting the people around you?"

"No."

"Do you want to stop hurting yourself?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now say it." he told me. I looked at him and wiped my eyes again.

"I'm Carli James and I have an addiction to hurting myself."

"Hello, Carli. I'm here to help." he said holding out his hand. I shook it and walked out. I walked back to my room and hoped that Jack was there. I pushed the door open and he was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. I sat across from him on me bed. He looked up and I saw tears in his eyes. I felt my own tears fall as he kneeled I front of me.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you." he told me softly.

"I'm sorry for hurting you too." I cried. He reached up and kissed my lips softly. I tasted the salty tears on his lips and deepened it. I felt something burst inside of me when his tongue touched mine. I moaned and grabbed a fist full of his hair. I felt my Jack coming back. I felt me coming back. We broke the kiss and looked in each other's eyes.

"I love you, Carli." he said wiping a tear away.

"I love you too, Jack." I sniffed and kissed him again.


	8. A Greater Power

**Step Two: We Can Be Saved - Jack Mercer**

"Hello, Jack. How was your first night?" Dr. Woods asked me.

"Good. We tried not to make too much noise. We respect our neighbor." I told him sardonically. I was still a little pissed from the previous day. I had talked to Carli but it was him I was mad at. I don't know why but I was. And we didn't really have sex. It felt weird knowing that our neighbor listened in to hear what was going on.

"I'm glad. So did you read today's step? Step number two?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah. Believing that we can be saved by a greater power. Sounds lame." I told him. He smiled.

"What do you think that greater power is, Jack?"

"God?" I asked.

"It could be. It could be me, Carli or even you. The greater power is what motivates you to let it all go. It's what saves you. Do you want to be saved?" he asked. I sighed.

"Yes."

"Will you let the greater power help you?"

"Yes."

"In your mind you do you think the greater power is?" he asked looking at me. I paused and thought.

"I don't know." I shrugged.

"Close your eyes. Go ahead."I closed my eyes. "When you see yourself a year from now all clean and sober who do you see? Who do you thank? Do you thank God? Whose face is it that you see when you think of the person who saved you?" he asked. I kept my eyes closed and took in his questions. I smiled and opened my eyes.

"Carli."

"Then she is your greater power. She will be the power that brings you out from this darkness. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's my job to ask questions, Jack. But I'll let that slide and answer it anyways. I wanted to know how your power could be a person who has their own problems." he told me.

"I don't know. She's just the thing that keeps me going."

"So you're ok with saying that she saved you while she was being saved?"

"Yes, because we're both in this together. We wouldn't have it any other way."

"So you do believe that a greater power can help you?" he asked.

"Yeah. I guess." I told him.

"What did I say about guessing yesterday?"

"Yes. I believe that a greater power can help me. Whether it be a doctor, God or Carli. Ok?!" I snapped. He nodded and waved me to leave.

"Tell Carli to come on when you get back." he told me as I walked out this office.

"Somebody else is gonna need a greater power to save them if I don't get a cigarette soon." I mumbled on my way to my room.

* * *

**Step Two: We Can Be Saved - Carli James**

"Hello, Carli. Jack told me you two had a good night?" he said winking.

"Huh? Oh no, did he...did he tell you we had sex? What?! We didn't, I swear." I panicked.

"No, don't worry. I know you didn't." he said laughing.

"How?"

"We have cameras in the rooms." he said simply.

"That's illegal. It's like voyeurism." I told him.

"Carli, you're in rehab. We have to have cameras. We have to keep a watchful eye on our patients."

"Even your sex addicts?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Unfortunately, yes. But we avoid the camera when they do go at it. The veteran patients know to try to other places. Ask them for some good hiding spots. So do you know what today's step is?" he asked.

"Yep. Something about a greater power to save us." I told him.

"Yes. Do you believe that there is a greater power that can save us?"

"Sure."

"What do you think that power is?"

"Something or someone that we believe will save us."

"You're more informed than Jack."

"He's a guy. He doesn't think about stuff like this unless you force him." I smiled sweetly.

"Will you allow your greater power to save you?"

"Yes."

"Now, what is your greater power? Who do you see saving you from where you are right now?" he asked.

"Jack." I said softly.

"I guess he was right."

"Huh?"

"He said his greater power was you. I didn't understand why his savior would be someone who needed a savior. But he said that you were in this together. I surely thought you would say God or the man above."

"If I believed that the man above could save me I wouldn't be here. I would never have cut myself. But I don't believe that he can save me. Jack can. And he will. Even with you taking us step by step, Jack will be the person I strive to get better for." I told him confidently.

"So do you think this greater power can save you?" he asked finally.

"Yes. I do." He nodded and waved me out.

"See you tomorrow Carli."

I walked out and headed for my room. I walked in to see Jack laying on my bed. I crept over to him and jumped on the bed screaming. He jumped and hit his head. I gasped and held his head in my hands.

"Oh my god, Jackie. I'm so sorry." I cried as he covered the spot with his head. He squinted at me and smiled.

"It's ok. It's fine." he said looking at his hand as he pulled it away. I smiled shyly at him and he pulled me onto the bed. "So how did your talk go?" he asked.

"Boring. You know they have cameras in here and monitor us 24/7?" I asked him.

"Really?" he asked grinning mischievously. I shook my head and tried to get away but he grabbed me and pinned me down. "Think they'd let us have a copy of the tape when we leave?" he whispered in my ear. I moaned and tried to get away. He put his some more of his weight on me and nibble my ear.

"Jack..." I sighed. I didn't want him to stop but we were not about to let someone watch us have sex. Even if it could challenge Tommy and Pam's. "Jackie, no. Not here." I told him and pushed him away.

"You're no fun. All talk and no play makes Jackie have a really bad day." he pouted.

"Did you come up with that all by your self?" I teased pinching his cheeks. He stuck his tongue out and I bit my lip. "Better put that away." I said seductively. He grinned and pulled me closer to him.

"Why's that?" he asked huskily. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He slid one hand on the side of my face and caressed my cheek as I deepened it. I pulled back enough to straddle his lap and run my fingers through his hair. He trailed the other hand across my stomach softly making me shiver. I pressed myself down on his lap and smirked as he groaned and pulled me closer. He was leaning against the wall with me on his lap when a knock interrupted us. I jumped off and saw Bobby smirking at us. I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"So you're sex addicts too?" he joked and walked over to me to give me a hug. I sighed and hugged him back. He sat on Jack's bed as I sat on Jack's knee. He bounced me a little and Bobby rolled his eyes. "So how's it going?"

"Okay. The doctor here is crazy." I told him.

"He's an asshole." Jack piped up. Bobby laughed.

"So how long you got in here?" he asked.

"We have 12 Steps and we do one step each day, not including weekends." I told him as Jack bounced me lightly.

"Good. So you won't be in here too long. Are you two taking this seriously?" he asked.

"Yes. We are. We wanna get better to. If we didn't we wouldn't be here." I told him. We talked for a few more minutes. Bobby got ready to leave and stepped on Jack's foot causing him to jump and causing me to fly off his knee onto the floor. Jack quickly forgot about the pain in his foot and laughed at me with Bobby. I flipped him off and slapped Jack. We couldn't leave our room after 9 so we sat there and fiddle with our guitars.

"Play me something." Jack demanded. "I haven't heard you play in a while." I nodded and grabbed my songbook to find a song. I grabbed my guitar and strummed softly.

**Far, away from it all  
You and me with no one else aroundA brand new start  
Is all we need, it's all we need to mend these hearts  
Back to the beginning**

**Be still  
Let it go**

**Before we lost hope  
When we still touched and love wasn't so hard**

**Be still  
I already know**

**Foolish one with the smile  
You don't have to be brave  
Every time we fall down  
But we're falling from grace  
I'll gladly climb your walls if you'll meet me halfway**

**Slow, slow it down  
Why do we run, we're missing so much babe  
Just lay in my arms for a while**

**Be still  
We should've known**

**Foolish one with the smile  
You don't have to be brave  
I'll gladly climb your walls  
If you'll meet me halfway  
Every time we fall down  
But we're falling from grace  
Here's my hand and my heart  
It's yours to take**

**Be still**

He smiled and pulled me close to him. Maybe we could do this. Maybe we could change for the better. Maybe we just needed time to realize that.

* * *

**Step Three: The Decision - Carli James**

"Heard you had a visitor yesterday?" Dr. Woods asked me.

"Yeah, Bobby. He came over to see us and talk." I told him. This whole wake up and talk thing was getting to be a little routine and it was getting boring.

"That's good. So you ready for today?" he asked.

"Yeah. But it said that it was the decision day. We've already made my decision haven't we?" I asked.

"I ask the questions. Do you know what decision that is?" he asked.

"Yeah. The one to quit hurting myself."

"Ok. Then state it."

"I'm going to quit abusing myself. Is that all?" I asked.

"You're worse than Jack with asking questions. Okay but why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Carli! I ask the questions."

"Then stop beating around the bush and ask them!"

"Why do you wan to quit hurting yourself?" he asked tying to calm down.

"Now that wasn't hard. I want to quit because I won't wanna hurt me or anyone else anymore." I told him.

"And you're okay with that?"

"Yes."

"Okay then." he said and looked down at his paper.

"That's it?" I asked. He glared at me and pointed to the door. "Jeeze, it's only a question."

"Exactly. And it's coming from your mouth not mine. Go get Jack." he told me. I sighed and walked out.

* * *

**Step Three: The Decision - Jack Mercer**

"Thank your girlfriend later but I want to get this done with. So let's start. Do you know what decision it is we are talking about?" Dr. Woods asked. I smirked when I was him aggravated from his session with Carli.

"Yeah the one to quit drugs." I stated.

"Ok well state it for me, out loud."

"I'm going to quit drugs."

"Why?"

"Because they are bad and I don't like myself when I'm on them. I hurt the people I love and I don't like that."

"Are you okay with this decision?"

"Yes. I'm ready."

"Okay, Jack. That's all for today. You can go." he said sighing. I looked at him funny. I wanted to ask him what she did to bother him.

"Question?" I asked him.

"No more questions unless they are from me!" he said. I smiled knowing she had asked to many questions.

"Never mind. You just answered it." I said as I walked out. I walked back to the room and laid down next to Carli who was sleeping. I buried my face in her hair and sighed. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I kissed her neck and softly sang in her ear.

**A strangled smile fell from your face  
What kills me that I hurt you this way  
The worst part is that I didn't even know  
Now there's a million reasons for you to go  
But if you can find a reason to stay**

**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know that what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
Believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together whatever it takes**

**She said "If we're gonna make this work  
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts  
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"  
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be  
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"**

**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
And give me a break  
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better**

**But remember the time I told you the way that I felt  
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself  
Let's hold onto each other above everything else  
Start over, start over**

**I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
and believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together whatever it takes**

Song: Be Still by Kelly Clarkson and Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse


	9. Moral Inventory

**Step Four: Moral Inventory - Jack Mercer**

I walked into the familiar office and sat in my seat like I have the past three days. He pulled his pen and yellow pad out and crossed his legs. This was getting to be so routine and a little creepy. I even knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"Hello, Jack. Do you know what today's step is?" he asked. I laughed and nodded.

"A moral inventory." I replied.

"Do you know what a moral inventory is?" he asked.

"Not a clue. But I'm sure that won't get me out of doing it." He smiled.

"No. A moral inventory is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. It's usually written down but we'll do it orally. No wise cracks." he warned when a wide grin spread across my face. I held up my hands in mock defense and smiled.

"My lips are sealed." I joked. He smirked and put on his glasses.

"It's a three part process. First if resentments, second is fears and third is, please keep quiet, sexual conduct." he sighed. Another wide grin spread across my face but kept my wise cracks to myself.

"Alright, well let's rock and roll." He nodded and opened his pen.

"Alright, resentments? Toward anything and anyone." he asked. I sighed and thought for a minute.

"My brothers." I replied.

"Why?"

"I felt like they put me in that situation."

"Didn't they ask you to stay behind?"

"Yeah. But if I did I would have gotten shit from them. They endlessly called me the baby and a fairy. I felt like I had something to prove." I told him.

"So you went and got yourself shot?" he asked. I glared at him.

"I didn't go and get myself shot."

"Alright, that was pushing it. But instead of taking the words they would have thrown at you, you decided to try and be tough?"

"Yeah. Either way I was screwed."

"Do you still feel that way toward them?"

"Yeah. Even after that I felt like they weren't there for me. Like they didn't care that I almost died. They all went on with their lives and left me behind." I sighed and felt my chest tighten.

"Did you ever stop to think that it wasn't them leaving you behind but you leaving them behind? Instead if them pushing you away, it was you pushing them? Ever think that the reason you didn't see them care was because you were too busy getting high to notice?" he asked. I furrowed my brow and looked out the window.

"No." I replied softly.

"Well, maybe you should." he told me. I looked back at him and nodded. "Any more resentments? Maybe some from the past?" I thought again and nodded.

"Yeah. Lots of them. All my old foster parents." I told him.

"Why's that?"

"Because they were terrible. Day in and day out I saw them beat and abuse the other children and then they beat me. I saw the pain run through those children's eyes when they took belts to their backs." I told him coldly.

"Do you think that some of your resentment towards your old foster parents may be the reason for your resentment toward your brothers? You thought they didn't protect you like your foster parents didn't protect you?" he asked.

"No. I really don't. I still resentment my old fosters but I've moved on. Ma and my brother's helped me through that."

"But yet you still think your brothers didn't care?" he asked.

"I was the drugs. I was angry and I needed someone to be angry at. And they were the only one's there. And the drugs didn't let me see that I was wrong." He nodded and adjusted his glasses.

"Fears? And not spiders or snakes. What scares you the most? Life, love, death?" he asked.

"All of the above, doc." He smirked at me.

"Ok, why life?" he asked.

"It scary. Unpredictable. You never know what's going to happen and it kinda freaks me out." I told him bluntly.

"Agreed. Death?" he asked.

"Isn't it obvious. I don't wanna die. I mean one day I know it'll happen but it's scary. When it does I want it to be quick, like in my sleep."

"Does this have anything to do with the shooting?"

"It has everything to do with the shooting. I felt pain and I could feel myself dying. It was scary. I wanted to live but I was also praying that if He wanted me just take me. I wanted to get it over with." I told him.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that, Jack. I really am. Now, love?" he asked. I laughed and ran a hand through my hair.

"I'm afraid of love because I'm afraid of life and death. I'm hesitant to fall for someone or get serious because I'm afraid they'll be taken from me. And love I s scary as it is." I told him.

"So you don't love Carli?" he asked. I sighed.

"No. I do love Carli. I always have and always will. But that doesn't mean I'm not afraid. She could be taken from me at any moment and then what? I'm lost again. It scares the hell out of me."

"So it's more that you're afraid of losing the one you love rather than being afraid of love itself?"

"You know you're really good. But yes. That's a better way to put." I laughed as he playfully patted his own back.

"It's my job, but thank you. Ok now, please try to contain your self and the comments that I know are bound to slip out of your mouth. Sexual conduct."

"What about it?"

"How many partners have you had?" he asked. I smirked.

"A few ." I said cooly.

"Jack..." he warned. I laughed.

"It's not like I count but maybe about 15 or 20." I told him.

"We're they relationships or just a one night thing?"

"One night thing. Some got a another round but not often."

"Have the numbers increased since you started the drugs?"

"Yes." He nodded and sighed.

"I know this is going to bite my in the ass but I have to ask. How are you in bed?" he asked. I grinned.

"You mean is it rough or gentle?"

"Yes. Please keep it rated gently."

"A little rough sex never killed anyone. It's wild but it's fun. I don't like tie them down or anything. I haven't had any complaints yet." I smiled.

"Have you ever made love to a woman?" he asked. My cockiness went out the window and I smiled.

"Yes. I have."

"How was it?"

"It was amazing. It was Carli. I wasn't a virgin but she was. It was hard to contain myself but I enjoyed every minute of it." I smiled. He nodded and put the cap of his pen back on.

"Okay. We're done."

"Really?"

"Yep. Tell Carli to come on when you get back." I nodded and left with a huge smile on my face.

* * *

**Step Four: Moral Inventory - Carli James**

"Ok, so what did you do to Jack? He came back really happy and gave me a huge kiss." I asked when I opened the door.

"What does that bother you?" he joked.

"God no! I love it. I just wanted to know your secret."

"Memories. Just memories, Carli. Now you ready?"

"Nope but I have no choice." I smiled at him.

"Moral inventory. Three parts. Resentments, fears and sexual conduct."

"Oh that's why he was so happy. You were talking about sex, go figure." I huffed and sat back. He grinned at me and opened his pen.

"Resentments? Start." he told me. I sighed and thought for a moment.

"My step dad. I resent him for what he did to me. Well, what he tried to do to me."

"What did he do to you?"

"He tried to touch me. Probably would have raped me. He was there for me all those years and he changes. I've never forgiven him and probably never will. He tried to take something away from me that I would have never been able to get back."

"Your innocence?" I nodded. "Anything else?"

"My mom, sometimes. For taking me and leaving. I knew she had to but I left everything and everyone that ever meant anything to me behind. It killed me. I understand that she was just looking out for her daughter. She didn't want to leave either but there was no other way."

"Glad you understand that. Fears? Real fears."

"Being alone and not being able to help people that need it."

"Okay, being alone. Do you think you'll end up alone?"

"No. I just don't want to. It's got to be lonely. I love having people around me. I don't know what I'd do if my husband passed before me."

"Understandable. Helping people?"

"I love people and I love to help them. I was always the girl that people came to looking for advise. And I kills me to not be able to help people."

"Have you not been able to lately?"

"Nope. I think it's hypocritical trying to help someone when you have your own demons fighting inside you. That's why I couldn't help Jack right. I can support him but I couldn't help him."

"You've got a good head on your shoulders. Is that why you wanted to get help? So you can help people again?"

"Not really. It was mainly so I didn't hurt Jack anymore. I can't stand to see him hurt or anyone else I care about."

"Ok, good. I'm sure you'll be nicer at this part. Sexual conduct. Jack said he was your first?"

"He was. The night before I left." I smiled and blushed slightly.

"Have you had any partners since him?"

"Oh yeah. A few. Nothing serious. But nothing random."

"Were you comfortable with them? You knew Jack but after what your step-dad tried what he did, were you comfortable?"

"At first no. But then I kinda moved on. I shied away from being to rough in bed but it's nothing killer now."

"Yes, that's sorta what Jack said." he said smirking.

"Oh no, what did he say?" I asked.

"Quote, unquote. A little rough se never killed anyone."

"Jesus! I'm so sorry!"

"It's quiet alright. He kept it PG for the most part."

"He's a perv. Not like in a bad way though." He laughed and nodded.

"Well, is there anything else you would like to share?"

"I think I'm good." He dismissed me and I stormed off to my room. I saw Jack sitting on the bed. I grabbed a pillow and hit him with it over and over again.

"Rough sex never killed anyone! How could you say that to a doctor or anyone!?" I hit him with each word. He was laughing hysterically.

"It hasn't." he told me. He grabbed the pillow and yanked it from me. I ran for the door but he grabbed me and closed it. "And you like it too. Admit it." he told me pinning me against the door.

"I didn't say I didn't like it. But he's a doctor." I reasoned. He grinned at me and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and leaned against the door.

"You know I think that rough sex should be a coping technique." he whispered in my ear before nibbling it lightly. I bit my lip and held back a moan.

"For what aggression? That's why they have anger management, Jack. And they have Sex Addicts Anonymous for people like you that think it should be a technique." I told him. He bite down hard on my neck and I squealed. He walked us over to the bed and laid me down.

"You know we've only had sex once since you've been here." he mumbled into my neck. I giggled and tried tp push him away.

"They have cameras Jack."

"So, let's give them a good show. Show them that rough sex isn't that bad." he bite down on my neck again and I couldn't hold back that moan. He smirked and lifted my shirt off. He ran his hands down my sides and stomach. He reached my pants and unbuttoned them. He pulled them off and started on his own clothes.

"Wait! Jack pull the cover up! I don't want them to see everything." I told him covering my chest.

He laughed and pulled the sheet over his body. He got undressed and kissed his way down my chest and belly. I nibbled the inside of my thigh and moved back up. He leaned down to kiss me as he entered me hard. I let out a scream and threw my head into the pillow. He gripped my hips and moved inside of me. He let out his own moans and grunts as he moved. His pace quickened and he thrust harder.

I had only been with him two times before and both were simple and sweet. Now it seemed as if each time we got together it got better and hotter. I raked my nails down his chest and moaned his name. He smirked down at me and slowed down. He leaned down and softly kissed my neck. He moved slower but not any less powerful. I moaned and tightened my legs around him. I felt myself tighten around him and begged him to speed up again.

I didn't have to ask twice before he thrust into me again. I screamed out his name as I came and he wasn't too far behind me. He pulled out and laid next to me. I pulled the cover tight around me and kissed his chest.

"Think they enjoyed it?" he smirked.

"Don't care if they did or not. I did." I said and bit his side lightly.

* * *

**In The Security Room**

"I told you she'd give in. He's too cute to resist." said one lady looking at the now sleeping couple.

"Fine. Here." said the other one handing the first a twenty dollar bill.

"Think we should ask them if they want a copy?" said the first. They smiled at each other and laughed.


	10. Nature Of Our Wrongs

**Step Five: Nature of Our Wrongs - Carli James**

"I know you two are wondering why I called you both in here, right? Well, today is a big day. Today we admit to our wrong doings." Dr. Woods told us as we sat down in front of him.

"I thought we did that on day one?" Jack asked. I looked at Dr. Woods as he nodded his head.

"We did. But only to me and yourself. Today we admit it to the people it affected. Which to you Jack is Carli and you brothers. And to you Carli that would be Jack and his brothers. I have invited all three brothers to hear you both out in the conference room in, oh..." he looked at his watched. "Well, now." he said and stood up. I looked over at Jack nervously and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it and smiled.

"It'll be okay." he assured me. I nodded and walked out the office. As we walked down the hall I thought about how Bobby and the boys would react to what I had to say. They didn't know what my step-dad had done to me or tried to do. And Jack didn't know the full extent of my problems. I was really regretting this now. I tensed as we walked into the room. Jack rubbed my back and leaned down to my ear.

"It's ok. We love you." he told me. I stopped and hugged him.

"I love you too." I told him and let go. I turned back around and saw the rest of the Mercer's. They all gave us sad and worried smiles. The seats were in a circle.

"Jack you sit here next to Angel. Carli, you sit next to Bobby. I'll be between you." he told me. I looked at Jack and shook my head. He pulled me aside and grabbed my shoulders.

"It'll be ok. Don't worry. Bobby won't hate you. No one will. I'll be one seat over, okay?" he told me. He wiped a tear away and kissed my nose. I smiled and looked back over at the circle. They were all staring at me. I walked back and sat down next to Bobby. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I smiled and looked at Dr. Woods.

"You ready, Carli?" he asked. I nodded and he pulled out his pen and pad. "Tell us what you came here for."

"I was self-abusing. I would cut my arms and sometimes my legs." I sighed. Bobby stayed holding my hand.

"Why did you harm yourself?" he asked. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Because it was the only thing I could control. I controlled how far to go and how much pain I would feel." I told them.

"When did you start hurting yourself?"

"When I left Detroit."

"Why did you start?" he asked.

"Because my life was hell. My mom changed into a total maniac. I constantly had nightmares..." I trailed off.

"Nightmares about what?" he pressed. I looked over at Jack and he nodded at me.

"About my step-dad." I said softly. I saw Bobby tense and Angel and Jerry looked at me with wild eyes. Tears fell as I re-told the night it happened.

_I sat on my bed shaking. I was there alone with my step-dad, my mom was at work. I froze as I heard footsteps in the hall. I saw my door handle turn and Frank stepped through the door. _

"_Hey, baby." he whispered._

"_I'm not your baby. I'm not a baby, I'm 16." I spat at him. I could already smell the whiskey on his breath. _

"_Don't be rude." he said as he crawled next to me in my bed. I froze._

"_Get out. I'm tired." I told him. He put his arm over me. I scooted away._

"_Stop." he said forcefully._

"_Get out!" I told him getting out of bed. He stood up and grabbed my arms. _

"_Listen, you worthless little slut. I know you go around sleeping with that Mercer boy."_

"_No, I don't! I've never done that before." I yelled at him._

"_Oh, really? That's even better." he tried to kiss me and I kicked him between the legs. Jack and Bobby had made sure I could protect myself when they weren't around. He fell to the ground and I ran out into the hall, right into my mom. She looked confused and saw him stumble out of my room. _

"_We're leaving tomorrow. Go to Jack's. Stay there. I'll pick you up in the morning." She told me and walked over to Frank. She was yelling at him and packing our things as I left. I ran over to Jack's and climbed in the window. He instantly woke up and took my in his arms. All the events from that night slipped away and I was safe again. Jack had me. I was okay. _

"He tried to touch me and kiss me. He had tried a few times before but I was too scared to say anything." I sobbed. I looked over at the three men sitting next to me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I cried. Bobby took me in his arms and rubbed my back.

"It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry about. But you can always come to me, Angel, Jerry or Jack. We love you. We're here to protect you, okay?" he told me. I nodded and sat back. I saw Jack fidgeting. I knew he wanted to be the one holding me but the doctor separated us for a reason. I knew he wanted us to see that we had other people to lean on for help besides each other. I hated it but I understood.

"Okay, Carli. How were you after the incident with your step-dad? Behavior wise and sexually?" he asked.

"I dunno. I acted out a few times but mainly because I hated Florida. I wouldn't let anyone touch me for a while but then I got over it."

"You let Jack touch you that night." he stated. All three of the Mercer's heads snapped up and glared at Jack. He held his hands up and tried to talk.

"That's because it's Jack. I felt safe with him. In his house, his room, his arms. It all felt okay. I don't regret it. It didn't traumatize me. And he didn't take advantage of me." I told the room.

"You said yesterday you resented your mother? Why?"

"She took me away. I understand why she did but I was mad. I wanted to get away from my step-dad too but I didn't want to leave the Mercer's." Bobby squeezed my hand and smiled at me.

"When you hurt yourself, was suicide your goal?"

"No. It was just to feel a little pain and be the one that caused it. I was tired of other people causing it so I caused it myself. It only seemed fair. If I was going to be in pain, I was the one to cause it, no on else."

"Have you ever thought about suicide?"

"Never. I love my life. But at times it got rough."

"What happened the night Jack found you?"

"We got into bad fight...

_I was loading the dark clothes in the washer when something from Jack's pants stabbed me. I reached in his pocket and pulled out a razor. There was white powder in the edge and angry bubbled inside of me. I reached in his other pocket and pulled out a tiny bag filled with white stuff. I looked at the jeans and noticed they were the ones he was wearing when he came out the bathroom. I set them aside and finished washing clothes. About an hour later I heard Jack coming home. He walked into the laundry room and wrapped his arms around me. I tensed and he noticed._

"_What's wrong?" he asked. I stayed silent and focused on folding the clothes on front of me. "Carli." he said in a rough tone. Again, I was silent. I turned me around to face him. I glared and him and stayed quiet. He looked at me shocked. I could see his high wearing off and he was getting agitated. This made me uneasy. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" he demanded._

"_You." I said simply. He glared at me and pushed me back. All my confidence was fading, quickly. He was getting mean. I softened my stare and looked away. _

"_What about me, Carli?" he asked._

"_I know, Jack." I told him softly. _

"_You know what?" he demanded again._

"_That you didn't quit. I found your stuff in your pants pocket. The fucking razor stabbed me." I yelled at him. That was my first mistake. He pushed me against the wall and pressed his forearm to my throat. _

"_So what!? You expect me to quit like that. I can't Carli. It's not gonna happen." he yelled at me. Tears stung my eyes but his eyes never softened. _

"_Jack, you have to. I can help. Remember? I told you I would help."_

"_The only thing you do is nag me about why I should quit and stay off. I told you the guy you met all those years ago is gone. He's not coming back. So get off my back. This is none of your business." he screamed inches from my face. I let my tears fall and looked away. I felt his arm leave my throat and I looked up at him. Horror was spread across his face and he looked away._

"_Jack..." I croaked rubbing my neck. He shook his head and left. I watched him walk out and I slid down the wall and cried. I heard the door slam as he left and I started to sob. _

_..._I got in the tub and slid the razor across my arm. I was crying so hard I didn't realize that I had cut too deep. I watched as the blood poured and then it felt like I couldn't move. Not too long after that Jack came in." I told them. I saw Jack with his head in his hands and was jiggling his knee.

"Do you blame Jack for what happened?" Dr. Woods asked.

"No. He didn't take the blade to my wrist. I did." I said softly looked at Jack. He slid out of the chair and was on his knees in front of my in an instant.

"I'm so sorry. I blame me. If I had stayed of that shit you wouldn't have done that. I never should have laid a hand on you, ever! I'm sorry, Carli." he cried to me. I grabbed his face and kissed his lips softly.

"Don't blame yourself. It's over. It's in the past." I told him. He nodded and kissed me. Bobby slapped his shoulder.

"Alright. It's bad enough I found out that you.." he thought for a word. "...touched her. It's another to show me. Get in your seat, Jackie boy!" he said. We smiled and Jack went back to his seat.

* * *

**Step Five: Nature of Our Wrongs - Jack Mercer**

"Jack, it's your turn. Can you tell us why you're here?" Dr. Woods asked me. I looked around and saw all eyes on me. This was the day I hoped we could skip.

"I'm here because I am, was abusing cocain." I told them.

"When did you start doing drugs?"

"After I taken off my pills. I couldn't get rid of the pain and get a high so I went for something else." I told them.

"How often did you use this drug?" I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

"Six or seven times a day, at least."

"What pain are you talking about? Mental, physical, emotional?"

"At first it was physical. That went away. It was mostly emotional."

"Why?"

"I felt like I needed it. It was the friend and family that I didn't have." I told.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Bobby declared standing up. Angel stood up and grabbed his arm while Jerry went over yo Carli. "We were there for you, Jack. We lived under the same roof!"

"And?! You didn't try to stop me. You knew where my stashes were. You never said anything." I yelled at him. Carli tried to stand up but Dr. Woods held her back. I saw him nod and her.

"I knew you wouldn't listen. You never listened to me."

"I did listen to you and it got me four holes in my body!"

"You blame me!? Go ahead, I blame me too. But don't say we weren't there. You changed after the shooting. Even before the drugs. You were hateful and cruel. You abandoned your family!" Bobby yelled at me. I felt my blood boil.

"No! My family abandoned me. You all were to busy drowning in self pity to try to help me. Yes, I blamed you. I wanted you to yell at me and beat the shit outta me for doing drugs and acting that way. But no! You were too busy feeling sorry for me and blaming yourself to even notice that I need you. To notice that I wanted help." I screamed at him. "I was out there dying, Bobby. I called for you! Where were you, huh?!"

"I was trying to get to you. Jack, if I could trade places with you I would. I wish it was me that took those bullets. I wish it was me that almost bled to death out there." Bobby grabbed my face and held it. "You're my brother, Jack. My baby brother. I love you. You're family. Blood or not! Mercer is behind our name and it will be there until the end of time. I know I haven't been a saint or a good brother but I would never abandon you. I'd give my life to save yours, Angel's and Jerry's. I'm the oldest, I should go first. Not you guys." he told me. Angel and Jerry walked over and wrapped arms around us.

"We're sorry we weren't there to protect you. I dreamt about that day for months after it happened. I blamed me too. I felt like I didn't do my job right." Angel said.

"But you're right, we were too busy wallowing in our own self-pity to notice that you wanted help. We were just afraid that you would do something stupid. We never meant for it to get like this, Jackie." Jerry said. We hugged for a moment and sat back down.

"I'm sorry I blamed you guys. I know it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I caused so much trouble. I'm sorry I hurt you, Carli. It was not my intention." I said.

"Jack, do you think you blamed them out of believing it was there fault or out of anger that you had almost died?" Dr. Woods finally spoke up.

"The fact that I was angry. I almost died, I was scared. I felt I needed someone to blame."

"Do you feel different now?"

"Yes. I know I made mistakes and I'm sorry. I just want this to be over. I want to move on." I said softly. "I want my life back. The one I left behind." Carli got up and kneeled in front of me.

"Me too, Jack. I want mine back too." she said. I slid onto the floor and wrapped my arms around her. My brothers picked us up by our arms and engulfed us. Angel squeezed and Carli let out a squeak. We all laughed and let go to look at her.

"What are you a mouse?" Bobby teased. She slapped his stomach and hugged him.

"You two really do belong together." Angel told us. Bobby glared at him while everyone else waited for him to finish. "You are both fucked up in the head. You fit perfectly!" he joked. I punched him and we walked out.

They left about half an hour later and said they'd be back this weekend. I followed Carli back to our room where we crashed on her bed. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her neck.

"I'm glad we did this." I told her.

"Rehab? Or today?" she asked.

"Neither."

"What then?" she asked rolling over to face me.

"Me and you." I smiled. She blushed and kissed me softly.

"Me too, Jackie."


	11. Underneath Your Clothes

**Steps 6 and 7: Removal - Carli James**

"Now I know that you two are not very religious people so I'm combining these next two steps. It's very easy. First you is that you have to be ready to have these 'defects' taken from you and two you ask for them to be removed. Think you can do that?" he asked.

"Do you have some place to be? Is that why you're itching to get out of here?" I asked noticing his jumping leg and twitching fingers.

"Yes, I do. My wife's family is coming down and she swore she'd kill me if I was late. And again I know you and Jack are not going to get down and ask Him to remove your sins. Now let's talk. How do you think that group session went?" he asked.

"Ok. I was pissed that you separated me and Jack but I understand why you did it." I told him.

"And why did I do it?"

"To show us that there are other people besides each other that are here to help us."

"You're good. How was your weekend?" he asked.

"Good. Jack's family came by and stayed during the days. We played with his niece's and talked a little more to his brothers."

"Are they mad at you?" he asked.

"No. Bobby was a little upset but it was all the stress. It was finally leaving and it kinda washed over him all at once."

"How did Jack do after the session?"

"Good. We went back to the room and laid there. He played me a few songs and we just enjoyed each other's company."

"Do you feel better now that you've gotten all that off your chest?"

"Yes. I feel a lot better. Before I felt like I was carrying around a big secret but now I feel safe. I feel like me again. Lot more playful and happy." I smiled.

"Good, good. Do you think Jack feels the same way?"

"Yeah. He looks much better." I told him proudly.

"Good. I'm pretty sure you don't mind that I'm cutting this short, do you?" he asked smiling.

"Not at all. Do it any time." I smiled. He waved me off and I left to go get Jack. I walked in the room and smiled.

"That was quick." he stated. I kissed him and pushed him out the door.

"Hurry!" I called after him.

* * *

**Steps 6 and 7: Removal - Jack Mercer**

"That was quick, did she talk too much again?" I joked as I walked in. Dr. Woods smiled and shook his head.

"No. Plans later and if I'm later I'll be dead." he told me.

"You're not going to make me pray for him to make me better are you?" I joked.

"No. I combined these two because I knew you two wouldn't do that. So let's talk about the past few days? How have you been?" he asked me.

"Good. Trying to relax and take it easy."

"You feeling better? Like stress wise?"

"Yes. Feels like the proverbial weight has been lifted." I laughed.

"Carli says she thinks you look better."

"Good. She looked better to. Like stress wise. It was tough doing what we did but it felt so much better afterwards."

"Did you doubt that it wouldn't feel better?"

"Yes. I thought that Bobby would flip and in turn I would flip. I thought it was going to be a massacre. Plain and simple." I told him honestly.

"Well, I'm glad it turned out the way I wanted it too. Have you and Bobby talked since?"

"Yeah. We chatted for a few this weekend. Basically, we agreed to not think about it anymore. We agreed that it's the past and that's where it should stay."

"So you're ready to give this addiction up for good?"

"Yeah. I know we're not through yet but I know that I don't need it. It only brings me down and when I do come down it hurt people."

"Do you think you'll stay away from it when you leave here?" he asked.

"Yeah. I have faith in myself and I have other things to think about."

"Like Carli?"

"Yeah and my family." I told him.

"Well, I hate to cut it short but I have to get going or you'll be getting a new doctor. I'll see you tomorrow." I nodded and left. I walked into the room I was sharing with Carli and saw her asleep on the bed. I laid next to her and pulled her to my chest.

"That was quick." she said softly. I smiled and kissed her hair.

"Go back to sleep." I whispered to her. She rolled over and kissed my lips softly. I pulled back and smiled at her. "I love you."

"Love you too." she smiled. I woke up later that day and she was gone. I sat up and looked around saw the bathroom cracked. I smiled and got up. I grabbed some clothes and slowly pushed the door open. I set my clothes down and got undressed. I pulled the curtain back and stepped in. She was under water rinsing the soap out of her hair. I waited until she had it all out before I wrapped my arms around her. She jumped slightly but relaxed when I kissed her neck. He sucked lightly and ran my hands down her slick side. She moaned and turned her head to meet my lips in a hot kiss. I held her to me with one hand on her stomach and the other on her neck holding her to my lips. Our tongues fought as her breathing got quicker. I turned her around and held her just as close. I picked her up and she wrapped he legs around me. I heard her gasp when her back touched the cold tiles. I laughed and kissed her neck and chest.

"Jack..." she moaned. I bit her neck and trailed my hand between her legs. I rubbed her lightly as she moaned and massaged my shoulders. "Jack, please..." she begged as I rubbed her harder. I slipped two fingers inside her and moved them in and out. She buried her face in my shoulder and bit down as she got closer. I removed my hand and gripped her hips. I slipped inside her easilyand began to move inside her. She moaned out loud and grabbed my face to kiss me. We made love as the hot water poured down our slowly moving bodies. It was heaven for that moment. And I knew I couldn't go back from this. I could never leave this. I looked into her eyes as she came around me, screaming my name. I smiled and kissed her as I released myself inside of her.

* * *

**Step 8: The List - Carli James**

"Well I hope you enjoyed the rest of your afternoon yesterday." Dr. Woods stated as I walked in. I grinned on the inside and bit my cheek.

"Yes. I did. And I see you made it to dinner on time."

"Yes. I did. So today is a list making day. I need you to name the people you hurt during this time and tell me how you'd apologize."

"Do I have to tell them?" I asked.

"You can if you want." he told me. I nodded. "First person?"

"Jack Mercer." I smiled sadly.

"What would you say to him?" he asked.

"I'd tell him how sorry I was for leaving and that I hoped he wasn't mad at me. I'd tell him I'm sorry for putting him through this and putting myself in the situation. I'd apologize to him for the way he saw me in that tub." I told him.

"Do you think he'd forgive you?"

"I hope so."

"Second person?"

"My mom. I'd tell her how sorry I was for being such a brat and being a pain. I'd tell her that in understand why she did what she did. And I'd tell her that I lover her and that all I ever wanted was to make her proud of me. I never wanted to disappoint her and if I did I'm sorry." I told him shakily.

"You have a lot of unresolved issues with your mom, don't you?"

"Yeah. I didn't realize it until she passed away."

"Was there a lot left unsaid?"

"There was more than a lot. There was a lifetime of things left unsaid. Thing I wanted to say but didn't. And things I should have said but couldn't."

"Why?"

"Pride and anger. They got the best of me, of both of us. Now I'd give anything just to tell her that I'm sorry and that I do love her."

"I think she knows, Carli. Anyone else?" he asked.

"Bobby Mercer. I'd apologize for not telling him what my step-dad was doing. He was always the protective big brother even if I was just with Jack. I knew I could have told him bit I was afraid he'd be ashamed of me. Id' tell him I'm sorry for thinking that too cause now I know he'd never feel that way about me." I told him.

"Anyone else? Cat, dog, or rat?" he joked. I laughed.

"Actually yes, a mouse. I found it in the house the day before all this went down. I almost killed it but Jack came in and took it away. I'd apologize for trying to kill it and calling it a rat." I smiled. He laughed and told me to leave.

* * *

**Step 8: The List - Jack Mercer**

"Well, I see your still alive." I joked as I walked in.

"Yes, thank god. How was your extra time off? I asked Carli and she tried to hide a big grin." he smiled. I laughed and rubbed my face.

"It was amazing." I told him.

"I bet. Now today is the list. A list of people you have hurt. Tell me how you'd apologize to them."

"Carli. I'd tell her that I'm sorry for hurting her, twice. It was never my intention. And I'll never to do it again intentionally and hopefully not accidently either. Id' tell her sorry for all the things I called her and blaming her for leaving."

"Did you blame her for leaving?"

"When she first cam back. I was high." I told him. He nodded.

"Next person."

"My brothers. For obvious reasons. Sorry for pushing them away and tearing us apart. Sorry for abandoning them and taking their care for granted. Sorry for bringing drugs into the house. I'm sorry for not listening and being such an ass. And I'm sorry for putting this on them and adding more stress to an already painful time." I told him.

"Speaking of your mother..." he began.

"I'd apologize to her too. I swore I'd never turn into this lifestyle. And I did. I'd tell her how sorry I was and how I wished she would forgive me. I'd tell her that I wish she were still here to see the family she worked so hard on and to see Carli and me together again."

"She liked Carli?" he smiled.

"No, she loved Carli. If Ma could have had a girl, it would have been Carli. I guess you can say that Carli was her daughter. But ya know we're not like married or whatever. It killed Ma when they left. It'd kill her even more if she knew why they left." I looked down at my hands.

"You never got to grieve did you Jack?"

"Not really. I had my share of endless nights and crying. But I was too fucked up to remember my name half the time. I never wanted to disappoint her." I mumbled.

"I'm pretty sure she's proud of you. You're getting better, Jack. You went for help. She'd be damn proud of you. She raised you right. Everyone has bumps along the way but you came back. You put to use what she taught you. Hell, I'm proud of you. Carli, too." he told me.

"Thanks, doc."

"No, that was from me. Alan, not Dr. Woods. I'm very proud of both of you. I know you will do good when you leave." he told me.

"So does that mean we can leave early?" I joked.

"Not a chance in hell, Jack. Anyone else?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Actually yeah. Myself." I told him.

"I was wondering if either of you were going to say that. I thought it'd be Carli with as smart as she is. What would you say, Jack?"

"I'd apologize for putting my body through this. For abusing it and not taking care of it. I'd say sorry for all the crap that I've done and probably thank me for holding up after the shooting." I told him. He smiled and wrote down a few notes.

"You can leave. See you tomorrow." he said. I nodded and walked out. I walked back to the room and saw Carli fiddling with her guitar.

"Play me something." I said and sat down. She smiled at me.

**You're a song  
Written by the hands of God  
Don't get me wrong cause  
This might sound to you a bit odd  
But you own the place  
Where all my thoughts go hiding  
And right under your clothes  
Is where I find them**

**Underneath Your Clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl honey**

**Because of you  
I forgot the smart ways to lie  
Because of you  
I'm running out of reasons to cry  
When the friends are gone  
When the party's over  
We will still belong to each other**

**Underneath Your Clothes  
There's an endless story There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl honey**

**I love you more than all that's on the planet  
Movin', talkin', walkin', breathing  
You know it's true  
Oh baby it's so funny  
You almost don't believe it  
As every voice is hanging from the silence  
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling  
Like a lady tied to her manners  
I'm tied up to this feeling**

**Underneath Your Clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl honey**

I smiled as she set the guitar down and curled into my side.

"Underneath my clothes, huh?" I joked.

"It was not supposed to be perverted!" she slapped my arm.

"I know. I was just joking." I pulled her close and kissed her head. "Thank you."

**Song: Underneath Your Clothes by Shakira**

* * *

**Look at my Bio Page and click the link next to Carli James to see a picture of what I picture her as. Kinda like a visual aide! Thanks for reading and reviews are more that welcome!**


	12. The Tape

**The Last Steps: Jack Mercer**

"I thought you said we didn't have to tell the people what we felt?" I asked as I sat down.

"You don't. You're brothers know how you feel and so does Carli. The only person that you directly amended with was your mother. So today is a free day." he told me.

"Doe that mean I can leave?" I asked.

"Nope. We're going to talk. So how have you taken to this rehab experience?" he asked. I saw back and shrugged.

"It's ok. I didn't like ti at first but you're not that bad. The food's kinda good too." I joked.

"So do you think it's worked so far?"

"Yeah. I got over my withdraws and I feel better."

"Do you see this as a positive experience?" he asked.

"Yes, definitely. It's helped me realize a lot, good and bad."

"Do you think it will have helped you in the end?"

"Yeah."

"We only have a few more days. Do you think you'll be okay leaving?"

"Oh hell yes. I miss my bed and Bobby's yelling." I laughed.

"I think you'll do just fine, Jack. I'm delighted that you've changed your mind about this and that you're taking it as a positive thing."

"Well, I think if it had been any other doctor I would have walked out. But you're easy to talk to. You don't seem like you judge me."

"That's because I don't. I don't like the doctors that walk in to put you down and beat you up for having a problem. Now if you come back to me two or more time then I'll get nasty."

"Trust me, this is my first and last rehab stay. I won't be doing anything ever again if it means coming back here." I laughed.

"Good. So what are your plans when you get back home?" he asked.

"Don't know yet. I think we're going to relax and just take it easy for a while. Get to know my family again. I'll probably start playing again. New members though. No druggies." I laughed. He nodded.

"What about you and Carli?"

"I'm not sure. I wanna be with her. I don't wanna live under Bobby's roof anymore. Maybe we'll get a place of out own if she wants. She can start back to work. I'll get a job or whatever." I told him.

"You just wanna move on?"

"Yeah. Move past this and get on with our lives. Start new or at least better."

"I think that's a great idea. Where do you want your relationship to go?"

"Not sure. We've never really talked about like marriage or kids."

"Do you wan that? A wife and kids?"

"Yeah, I mean, who doesn't? I'd love to have a family one day. I'd love for that family to be with Carli. I've always wanted a family so I can prove to myself and others that I can do it. I can be a good husband and father. That I'm not like the families I had growing up. Ma taught me a lot and I wanna use it one day."

"That's good. Do you think Carli wants that?"

"I know she loves kids. She's always wanted a nice big wedding. She's the girl that's had the whole wedding planned since she was 6." I laughed.

"My wife was that way too. So in five years where would you like to be?"

"Well, I'll be 28. I'd like to have our own house, I'd like to be married, maybe have a kid. Good job or career. Which ever finds me first. I want to be happy and as long as Carli is there, then I will be."

"Jack, it's been a pleasure to meet you and talk to you. Thank you for letting me into your head, your heart, your mind and your family. I think that you are one amazing guy and you have loads of potential. As a rockstar, as a husband and as a father. Your mother would be so proud of you. She is proud of you. Take care of Carli and take care of the family that you want. Maybe we can talk again on different terms. If you need anything, just call. It's been an honor, Jack." he said standing up and extending his hand. I smiled and shook his hand. I walked out and I was free.

* * *

**The Last Steps: Carli James**

"So Carli, how are you?" Dr. Woods asked.

"Good. Excited that it's coming to and end. No offense to you, though." I laughed.

"That's quite alright. So has this stay changed you any?"

"Yeah. It's opened my eyes a lot. Showed me how much I was hurting me and others. I knew I was hurting me but I didn't realize how bad."

"Do you think you'll ever do it again?" he asked.

"Nope. I don't want to. This last time scared me bad. I don't wanna die or hurt anymore."

"Good. Has this been a positive or negative experience?"

"Very positive. It was boring on some days but it was nice to talk to someone."

"Good. Jack said he probably would have reacted differently to another doctor, would you have?"

"If he was like you, no. I've met plenty of psychologists and therapists around town and they are so judgmental. You are very laid back and kinda funny."

"Only kinda?"he joked

"Maybe a bit more." I laughed.

"What are your plans when you get our of here?" he asked.

"Relax and catch up with the Mercer's the right way. I barely know Jerry's kids and I wanna get to know them."

"What are your and Jack's plans?"

"I don't know. I think were fine where we're at for now. But I'd like us to move farther along in our relationship and maybe start our own life."

"Like your own place or family?"

"Both. A place first."

"You'd want a family with Jack?"

"Of course. I love him. I'd want nothing more out of life than to be his wife and have his children. We haven't talked about it but it's kind of an unspoken thing. We know we want it we just didn't talk about it."

"You're not afraid he'd be a bad father or husband?"

"No. Never. Evelyn taught him right. He knows how to treat me and how to treat kids. He's a good man. I trust him with me and my kids, my life." I told him.

"Good. So is that were you wanna be in 5 years?"

"Yeah. I'd like to be married and have at least one child. I wanna be happy. And Jack makes me happy. That's all I can ask for, right?"

"Yes. I think you'll be a great mother."

"I hope so. My mom was a good mom. I learned from Evelyn too. They were the best. I got lucky."

"Carli, it has been my pleasure meeting you. You and Jack are two unbelievable people. You two are made for each other. I hope and wish you all the best that life has to offer. God knows you've been through enough. If you ever need anything just call. Thank you for letting me in and I hope you are well in the future." He reached over and hugged me. I hugged him back and walked out. I smiled as I stepped out. I was free. I nearly ran down the hall to where Jack was waiting with our bags. I saw him turn around and I jumped in his arms. He laughed and picked me up. I kissed his neck and face as he held me.

"Excited much?!" he laughed.

"Yes. We're free, Jack. We get to go home." I told him as he set me down. He smiled and leaned down to kiss me.

"Yes we do. Even though Bobby is there." he laughed. I shrugged and turned around to the ladies at the desk.

"It's been nice but I'm ready to go. Is everything set?" I asked. They nodded and looked at each other.

"Yes. But we have a gift for you two." one said. She reached in her desk and pulled out a tape. "We made this for you two. Enjoy it." she smiled. Jack grabbed it and looked at me funny. I smiled and grabbed my bag.

"Thanks! Bye!" I yelled as I ran to the door with Jack laughing at me. "Yes!" I screamed as I walked into the fresh air.

"Maybe I should call Dr. Woods." Jack teased. I glared at him and threw my bags into the truck of my car that Bobby dropped off. He laughed and threw his in and got in the driver's seat. He yelped and reached between his legs to move the seat back.

"Why does he have to be so short?" he asked. I laughed and shut my door.

"Why do you have to be so tall?" I asked. He glared at me and drove off. We didn't even look back as we drove.

"Because I'm a big boy." he told me.

"You wish." I joked. I got another glare and a pinch.

"Don't make me pull this car over." he warned. I leaned over to his side and brought my lips to his ear.

"Oh and what are you gonna do? Take me in the back seat and show me how big of a boy you are?" I whispered. He grinned and swerved to the side of the road and turned into an old driveway. I dropped my jaw in shock as he took off his seat belt and undid mine.

"No, Jack. We can't." I protested. He smiled and crawled in the back seat. He grabbed my hands and pulled me through the seats. I fell on top of him and he started to kiss me. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. He kissed my neck and started to unbutton my shirt. He sat up and leaned me against the front seat while he took my shirt off. He kissed my chest and lifted my skirt up to get my panties. He hooked his fingers around the sides and pulled them off. He laid me on the backseat and pulled his pants down to his feet.

"Jack this is going to be really uncom..." I was cut off by him slamming into me. "Oh god..." I grinned and bit my neck.

"We don't need to be quiet anymore." he said as he thrust into me. I gripped his shoulders and bit my lip. He kept moving inside me and I slowly started to let my moans and gasps out. He smiled when he felt me tighten. He thrust faster and I pushed my hips against his. I pulled him down for a kiss before I came. I grabbed a fist full of his hair as I came. He buried his face in my neck as he came just moments later. He pulled out and pulled his pants up.

"That was interesting." I said as I pulled my panties on and buttoned up my shirt. He grinned and jumped in the driver's seat again. I crawled after him and sat in my seat. We drove the rest of the way home and parked out front. "You know they are going to try to surprise us, so act surprised." I told him as we walked up the steps. We threw the door open and every yelled.

"SURPRISE!"

"Jack you better not run upstairs like you did last time!" Bobby continued. Jack smiled and hugged him. Hugs and kisses and the occasion slap was exchanged as we were welcomed back home. Around three hours later everyone left and we all settled down. I walked upstairs and opened Jack's door. I smiled and felt his arms go around me.

"Home." he whispered. I smiled and walked over to lay on his bed. He sat on the bed and looked at the tape. "I wonder what it is?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Put it in and let's find out." I told him. He got up and pushed it in the old VCR and sat next to me. He hit play and a few seconds later I was in shock. I couldn't see myself but I knew I was the brightest shade off red there was as the room was filled with my moans. Jack bursted into laughter and fell back on the bed as I stared at the screen. They did have camera's in the rooms and they gave us a copy of us...having sex. How nice! I pressed stop as Bobby burst in the room. He gave us both funny looks and raised his brow.

"Do I wanna know?" he asked. Jack laughed harder and I shook my head. Bobby turned around and left as I looked over at Jack.

"Am I always that loud?" I asked. He caught his breath and grinned at me.

"No, that was you being quiet." he told me. I dropped onto the bed and sighed.

"Oh god."

"That's what you were saying." he joked. I smacked him in the stomach and laughed.


	13. Yes

_Ok so sadly it had ended. But I am currently in the works of another FB fic. I'll finish off another story then start it. But if you're interested in what it's about just message me and I'll let ya know. And FYI: There just might be a sequel in the future...hummm something to think about. Thanks for those of you who read and reviewed. Thanks! You rock!! :)_

* * *

We had been out for almost three months. It was weird being home for the first few days. Jack had taken the 'sex tape' and hid it from me. Said he could use it as blackmail one day. He stopped talking to Patrick and he got new bands members. I started working at the hospital as a secretary. Jack and his band worked for the local club. They did a good job and were pretty close to getting signed. We also just got out first place. We still had to paint it but other than that it was ready.

"Why did we get a place yellow?" Jack asked as he set the paint container down next to me. We were painting the kitchen a light yellow and he didn't like it.

"Because it's the perfect kitchen color. Now hush and pour the paint." I told him. He groaned and did as I told him. I smiled and went to get our paintbrushes. We had everything covered so we wouldn't mess it up.

"So you take that wall and I'll take this one." he told me. I went over to the wall closest to the door and ran my brush across it.

"See?! Looks good." I told him. He grunted and started painting.

"Make sure you run the brush the same way so our walls don't look fucked up." he told me. I stuck my tongue out at him and he grinned.

"Keep it up and these walls with never get done." he laughed. I smiled and continued to paint. I smiled when I heard him start to hum and then eventually start singing. I smiled and ran my brush up and down.

**If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about our love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me**

**Well you got your reasons  
And you got your lies  
And you got your manipulations  
They cut me down to size**

**Sayin' you love but you don't  
You give your love but you won't**

**If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about our love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me  
Seems the road less traveled  
Show's happiness unraveled  
And you got to take a little dirt  
To keep what you love  
That's what you gotta do**

**Sayin' you love but you don't  
You give your love but you won't  
You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there  
Sayin' you love where you stand  
Give your heart when you can**

**If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about our love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me**

**Sayin' you love but you don't  
You give your love but you won't  
Sayin' you love where you stand  
Give your heart when you can**

**If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about or love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me**

He had walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist by the end of the song. I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder as he swayed me slightly. I turned my head to look him in the eyes.

"I love you, Jack." He smiled and kissed my lips.

"I love you too." We went back to painting and took a break about half way through. We heard a knock and I jumped up to go get it. I swung the door open and smiled at Bobby.

"Miss me already?" I asked. He shook his head and walked in.

"Nope. Glad I got you to outta my hair." he told me smiling.

"I don't think it was us you needed outta you hair. It could deal with losing the half a pound of hair gel too." Jack joked walking in the living room. Bobby hit his arm and glared at him.

"The ladies like it." Bobby told us. Jack laughed and I shook my head.

"You thirsty?" I asked.

"Yeah. You gotta beer?" he asked.

"Yeah. Hold on." I walked into the kitchen and grabbed three beers and walked out. I handed them the beers and sat next to Jack on the chair.

"So you like it so far?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah. Trying to get the painting done. We should have done that first but we needed to get it before someone else did." I told him.

"Yeah. You lucked out on this. I'm proud of you guys." he told us. I smiled.

"Thanks Bobby. So now that we're gone and Angel is back in Iraq, you gonna try to settle down?" I asked winking at him. Jack laughed and I pinched him.

"No, he's right. No way in hell will I ever settle down." he told me. Jack pinched me back in retaliation.

"Bobby, you can't be single forever."

"Yes, I can."

"But that's lonely and sad."

"Just because he's single does not mean he's lonely, right Bobby?" Jack laughed. Bobby nodded and I scoffed.

"Hookers are not company and neither are chicks you pick up in a bar for a one night stand." I told them.

"To me they are." he laughed.

"Oh and you call me naive. Grow up!" I told him and walked into the kitchen. I heard them follow me and picked up my paint brush to finish painting.

"Car, don't be mad. We were kidding." Jack tried to backtrack.

"No. You Mercer's are all the same. Jerry's the only one who has any sense. You guys will never settle down. Angel's been dragging along Sofi for years and Bobby, you're just an ass." I told them. We all knew I was mad and I knew why, I'm just not sure where it came from.

"Carli, I was joking. I will settle down, I just need time. And Angel does not need to marry Sofi." Bobby told me. I looked at the two of them and squinted. Something was up...

"Whatever. I'm going to take a shower. You two do something useful and finish the kitchen." I told them and walked off. I walked up the stairs and grabbed a change of clothes. I turned the water on as hot as I could stand and stepped in. For some reason Jack and I had been bickering about marriage since we left the rehab center. It wasn't often at first but now it just aggravated me. It killed me to be introduced as his girlfriend. Sure we had been separated for a while but he was mine. I loved him and we belonged together. I sighed and let the water roll over my face and shoulders.

"Why am I rushing this?" I asked myself. "I have him and that should be enough any day." I sighed again and finished my shower.

* * *

**_Jack's POV_**

I watched her stalk off upstairs and looked at Bobby.

"You better do this soon. She's freaking." he told me. I smirked and nodded.

"I know but it's fun to see her flustered." I laughed. He shook his head and leaned on the counter.

"So you guys are ok?" he asked. He had been worried about us moving out and backtracking.

"Yeah, we're good. Dr. Woods call the other day. We told him we got a place and I told him..." I walked and looked up the stairs, clear. "...about you know what. I've never heard someone so excited."

"He seemed like a good guy when I met him."

"He is. Never thought I'd be that open and okay talking to a shrink." I laughed. Bobby nodded and threw his beer away.

"Well, I'm leaving. You can paint your own damn kitchen. And do it soon, Jackie." he told me and left. I looked around the kitchen and sighed. I picked up the brush and started painting. About 45 minutes later I was done and Carli was walking downstairs in her nightclothes.

"It's only 6. Why are you dressed for bed?" I asked.

"I'm not going anywhere else today so I figured I'd go ahead and get dressed. You done?" she asked pointing around the room.

"Yep. Bobby left before he could even think about a paintbrush." I told her. She smiled and walked over to hug me.

"I'm sorry I was bitch earlier." she told me softly. I smiled and kissed her head.

"It's alright. But I think we need to talk." I told her. She looked up at me and nodded. "Let's go sit down." We walked into the living room and sat down.

"Ok, talk." she said slowly.

"I know you've noticed we've been fighting a lot lately." I began. Her face paled and she nodded.

"I've just been..." I cut her off.

"Lemme talk. We've been bickering a lot. It's really annoying actually. Bobby and Jerry have even noticed. I don't like it. I love you, Carli and don't wanna fight." I saw her tear up and smiled inside.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just..." I cut her off again.

"Shut up, Carli." I told her. She nodded and sat back. "I love you and I hate to see you this way. I've been fine with the way things are but not anymore. I can't take it. It's like I hate being your boyfriend. I don't think I can do it anymore." I told her. She jumped up and looked at me with tears rolling down her face.

"Just do it already! Just end it and stop pulling me along. I'm sorry, ok. I'm sorry I ruined us. So just end it and let me go." she screamed. I jumped up and cupped her face. I smiled at her while she looked away from my biting her lip.

"Carli, I don't wanna break up with you." I told her softly. She looked at me and sniffed. I smiled a broad smile. "I wanna marry you." I pulled out a little black box and opened it. She gasped and covered her mouth. She looked up at me with more tears falling.

"Really?" she asked incredulously. I laughed and kissed her lips softly.

"Really. Will you marry me?" I asked. She smiled and kissed my lips hard. She hugged my neck tightly and I picked her up in my arms. She pulled back and smiled at me.

"Yes." she answered. I smiled and carried her up the stairs, laughing the whole way.

I never knew such a simple word could sound so perfect...

**This Romeo is bleeding  
But you cant see his blood  
Its nothing but some feelings  
That this old dog kicked up**

**Its been raining since you left me  
Now Im drowning in the flood  
You see I've always been a fighter  
But without you I give up**

**Now I cant sing a love song  
Like the way its meant to be  
Well, I guess Im not that good anymore  
But baby, that's just me**

**And I will love you, baby - always  
And Ill be there forever and a day - always  
Ill be there till the stars don't shine  
Till the heavens burst and  
The words don't rhyme  
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind  
And Ill love you - always**

**Now your pictures that you left behind  
Are just memories of a different lifeSome that made us laugh, some that made us cry  
One that made you have to say goodbye  
What Id give to run my fingers through your hair  
To touch your lips, to hold you near  
When you say your prayers try to understand  
I've made mistakes, Im just a man**

**When he holds you close, when he pulls you near  
When he says the words you've been needing to hear  
Ill wish I was him cause those words are mine  
To say to you till the end of time**

**Yeah, I will love you baby - always  
And Ill be there forever and a day - always**

**If you told me to cry for you  
I could  
If you told me to die for you  
I would  
Take a look at my face  
There's no price I wont pay  
To say these words to you**

**Well, there ain't no luck  
In these loaded dice  
But baby if you give me just one more try  
We can pack up our old dreams  
And our old lives  
Well find a place where the sun still shines**

**And I will love you, baby - always  
And Ill be there forever and a day - always  
Ill be there till the stars don't shine  
Till the heavens burst and  
The words don't rhyme  
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind  
And Ill love you - always**

Songs: If You Could Only See by Tonic and Always by Bon Jovi


End file.
